In parenting news so depressing that you’ll sell your uterus on craigslist right after reading it, Kate Middleton called Prince George fat in front of a group of schoolgirls. And you and I both know there’s no group of animals on this earth more cruel than a gaggle of schoolgirls. So why she offered up this information freely to them makes absolutely no sense to me.
Prince George has been so well looked after in New Zealand and Australia that he’s added an “extra fat roll,” his mother Kate told some schoolgirls on Tuesday.
While we don’t know what prompted this answer, I’m pretty sure that we can assume it wasn’t prompted by one of the girls asking, “pray tell Duchess, exactly how many extra fat rolls has Porker George, I’m sorry, I mean Prince Gorge, I mean Prince George, put on during your travels?” Not because I think that kind of insult’s below them, but because I think even the most mean-spirited schoolgirl grows kinder in the presence of Kate’s hair. Modern British legend has it that it’s impossible to utter anything unkind when she’s standing in the same room as you.
So if we assume Kate said this with no provocation, then we can also go ahead and assume that she is indeed fat shaming her baby. On one hand, it’s never too early to scar your children and destroy their fragile self-esteem. On the other hand, most mothers know that this kind of behavior is best done by closed door. Far away from witnesses who can later corroborate the story to a therapist. But I do suppose I should cut Kate some slack here. She is a new mom, after all. I’m sure the next time around, she’ll make sure to call him fat to his face, and only to his face.