The Time Kate Middleton Fat Shamed Prince George In Front Of Schoolgirls And Ruined His Whole Life

Prince George throws toy on ground during travelsIn parenting news so depressing that you’ll sell your uterus on craigslist right after reading it, Kate Middleton called Prince George fat in front of a group of schoolgirls. And you and I both know there’s no group of animals on this earth more cruel than a gaggle of schoolgirls. So why she offered up this information freely to them makes absolutely no sense to me.

As transcribed by the good folks at People:

Prince George has been so well looked after in New Zealand and Australia that he’s added an “extra fat roll,” his mother Kate told some schoolgirls on Tuesday.

While we don’t know what prompted this answer, I’m pretty sure that we can assume it wasn’t prompted by one of the girls asking, “pray tell Duchess, exactly how many extra fat rolls has Porker George, I’m sorry, I mean Prince Gorge, I mean Prince George, put on during your travels?” Not because I think that kind of insult’s below them, but because I think even the most mean-spirited schoolgirl grows kinder in the presence of Kate’s hair. Modern British legend has it that it’s impossible to utter anything unkind when she’s standing in the same room as you.

So if we assume Kate said this with no provocation, then we can also go ahead and assume that she is indeed fat shaming her baby. On one hand, it’s never too early to scar your children and destroy their fragile self-esteem. On the other hand, most mothers know that this kind of behavior is best done by closed door. Far away from witnesses who can later corroborate the story to a therapist. But I do suppose I should cut Kate some slack here. She is a new mom, after all. I’m sure the next time around, she’ll make sure to call him fat to his face, and only to his face.

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    • Kaitlin Reilly

      He’s the cutest baby though, even with his extra roll or two.

    • elle

      Prince George is surely plotting his revenge as I type this. I forsee many head flails to her carotid, truly the worst place to get an unexpected head butt too.

      • Jenni

        Hahaha

    • Piper

      Oh my gosh, it’s a baby! You are taking this way too seriously, I don’t feel you can “fat shame” a baby. Fat babies are cute and healthy, and has nothing to do with how your body will be when you are older. I was a huge fat baby too and grew up to be completely average size and never would have been offended that my mom called me fat back then. It’s true, I was a fat baby! It’s ridiculous that anyone would be upset about this.

      • Jenni

        If I can be honest with you Piper, I don’t think we — and by we, I do mean the global community — is taking this seriously enough! To fat shame a baby before he can even walk….

      • emilykwells2188

        The writer is being sarcastic/satirical…

      • Bandit

        Agree, the writer is being satirical but the sad thing is that many posters on other sites actually have called Kate out for “fat shaming” lovely, chunky Prince George. It is beyond silly that people have taken a sweet, motherly comment and politicized it into something to be taken seriously while pearl clutching. I believe that is the writer’s point and it is a good one.
        Lastly, this woman hasn’t been Kate Middleton since taking her marriage vows. I don’t know why the media refuses to name her correctly.

      • Elizabeth Aspen

        If she is being sarcastic, she needs to be a little more obvious about it.

      • Jenni

        My bad! I forgot to put the usual alert on top. You know, the one that reads: “WARNING: THIS IS TOTES LIKE A JOKE, K?”

      • M_G

        Right, because who could ever tell she’s being sarcastic with such outright serious lines like this: “On one hand, it’s never too early to scar your children and destroy their fragile self-esteem. On the other hand, most mothers know that this kind of behavior is best done by closed door.” Yes, I can see how that could be confusing to people with no discernible sense of humor.

    • Lindsey Conklin

      BAHAHAHAHA how dare she fat-shame a baby!

    • CMJ

      Do they have Baby Spanx?

      • Jenni

        Calling kickstarter. BRB.

    • LadyClodia

      So…I did this like 5 years ago. He hasn’t needed a therapist…yet.

      • M_G

        Oh geez, SOO CUTE!! Cannot handle it!! :-)

    • J_Doe5686

      But he’s so cute! How dare she! I think Prince George is going to use a guillotine in a future and we know whose heads are going to roll! Lol

      • Jenni

        One head roll for each fat roll….as Kate Middleton always says

    • Elizabeth Aspen

      Here we go again, another over-reaction. Fat shaming a baby? Hardly. She was saying he was being well-fed. Grow up.

      • Jenni

        You’re saying that now, but I’ll have the last laugh when she puts him on a juice cleanse and throws him in spin class before his next birthday.

      • M_G

        Speaking about over-reactions, let’s talk about leaving snippy comments on an article that is clearly satirical in nature. Are you honestly telling me you think this article is serious or intended to be taken seriously? Please. You’re the one who needs to grow up.

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