• Sat, Apr 12 - 12:19 pm ET

The Younger Duggars Are Freaking Out Because Their Older Sisters Can’t Raise Them Anymore

duggars

You know that thing where you’re in a big family, like an enormous family, and your parents are so busy humping like submissive rabbits and churning out siblings that they can’t be fully committed to parenting, so the older siblings have to step in and raise the younger ones?  Yeah, well, the Duggars know all about that.  But what happens when the oldest members of the cult clan leave the compound nest?

For some young adults, this means entering college and eventually starting a career, and in others it means entering a chaste, Jim Boob, er, Bob-approved courtship (also known as the HIT – housewife-in-training – period) and leaving the flock to start up your own over-sized brood.  Not only is Michelle constantly reminding us that she feels hopeless and lifeless now that she’s not currently gestating and her older children are moving out, but the younger Duggars are panicking, too.

“It is a bittersweet time,” says Michelle. “Some of the little ones don’t like change but I remind them that we get to visit Josh and Anna and remind them how fun that is.”

“Yes, it’s a bit of an adjustment now that I’ll have to learn the names of my younger kids and won’t have an excuse to escape the iron-clad clutches of Jim Bob and his hair,” Michelle whispered nervously, her wide, blank eyes shifting left and right rapidly.  ”Now that Jill is engaged and Jessa is practically holding hands I guess it’s never too early teach Josie how to make tater tot casserole.”

What will the younger ones do when that dried-up old spinster Jana finally finds a man she can stare at longingly via Skype with her parents looking on creepily?  Only time will tell!

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  • FooFighter

    The younger Duggars will certainly miss their older siblings. How is this “Freaking Out”? It is a normal response. Furthermore, please cite the source of “Yes, it’s a bit of an adjustment now that I’ll have to learn the names of my younger kids…” Until you’re able to substantiate this I’ll assume you’re uninformed, guilty of outrage porn, and simply not interested in factual stories. I understand I’m not your typical (prey) target audience and you find it difficult to (indoctrinate) educate people such as myself, but I suspect this will not stop you from (fabrication) setting the story story straight.

    • Gothard pervert

      Lol get a grip. This article was written as a joke.

    • Anna40

      Jokes at the expense of others, really arent funny.

    • Rina

      Jeez. I think you need to take yourself more seriously there, honey.

    • Anna40

      Sometimes its hard not to take it seriously when you see people attacking oher people that they dont even know. Saying hateful, biggoted things that they really know nothing about.

    • Katie Kat

      Way to not understand satire. Kudos to you.

  • Rox

    I’m pretty sure that this is a satire piece, that just kinda fell flat.

  • Darlene Floyd

    You know how you meet a boy you think you are in love so much in love then you hold hands go for walks kiss feel up and down on each other breathe heavy then realize ooooh I really don’t like this one his breath is awful he kisses me grossly he gives me no sparks when he touches my bare perky breast he makes me sick goodbye, what do the duggar girls do if that happens to them and they are already married ,are they allowed to get divorced yes I said allowed

    • Anna40

      If God has brought two people together who truly love one another, they wont be grossed out.

    • Katie Kat

      Golly, why didn’t we all think of that?!?!?!

  • Darlene Floyd

    The thing is we all got crushes on people when young and had to experience a passing crush from real love ,what happens when jill gets cold chills all over when jesses man brushes up against her or she tingles when Ben smiles at her ,,,we all know what happens life happens you will or you won’t you do or you don’t Jill said she loves her man she never saw in person or touched how do you do that will she fall in love with another guy she speaks to on the computer ,these girls just want to marry and leave the prison and this is a way to go run

  • Darlene Floyd

    Why has JimBob turned away guys that wanted to court Jana now she is 25 she will never find a virgin guy 30 that hasn’t kissed a girl and that will make him not worthy so she is gonna be single forever this way they have Jana at home to finish raising the kids and taking care of Jim and Michele in their old age,hey what happens if Jana is a lesbian how cool would that story line be

  • texassa

    The older siblings do not raise the younger ones. Only the older *sisters* raise them. The boys do manly things like work outside the home to save money.

    • hhhhopplo

      stfu

    • texassa

      No, I don’t believe I will.

    • Katie Kat

      Hey Hippo, is the truth hard to hear?

  • CW

    Jill and her fiance Derrick are sweet together and obviously happy to be getting married but Jessa and Ben don’t seem like they are authentic about wanting a future together. It just seems forced and awkward. I’m actually in favor of courtship rather than dating, but the Duggars seem to be more of an arranged marriage type of thing (eek!)

    • Katie Kat

      Yeah really. When courtship includes zero private time with your significant other until the wedding night, it looks like arranged-marriage-territory to me: how anyone finds that acceptable is beyond me. These young adults have been so controlled, they aren’t even afforded the choice to have a date night with their mate. How little respect these parents have for their children to say, “you need chaperones.” It’s disgusting.

    • whatlight

      I know, right? I can’t get over the Jessa/Ben dynamic. It seems so forced.

  • Mzdiana

    Its hard to comprehend the way of the Quiverfull beliefs. I’ve read several articles and from what I got the father, is the one who pretty much looks for a suitor for the girls. They are introduced after being vetted by the patriarch of the family. They don’t believe in birth control of any kind, and believe in having as many kids as possible, and the wife is to be submissive to her husband.

    IMHO, I find it creepy the way that these adult girls are watched over like a hawk. Since the Duggar’s raised their children to adhere to the teachings of their religion, I would definitely think that they’d have a little more faith and trust in them to go on a date with their potential mate without a chaperone. They’re not trusting their own beliefs as far as the kids go, I.e., Train up a child the right way and they will not flee from it. I guess they’re not 100% in trusting their own. It only makes me wonder if they did a lot more than a hug before they got married. I do believe I read somewhere that they weren’t chaperoned and they actually kissed before the wedding. Omg, they committed a sin, if that’s true. LOL.

    I wonder what they would do if one of the kids decided to leave the nest and not follow in the way they were brought up? I have to wonder if they would have some type of intervention or if they would just treat them as a outcast, and not have any communications with them? I couldn’t imagine if one or more decided to live in Sin, or came out as gay. I bet Jim Bob and Michelle would have a heart attack!

    The point is, you can raise a child to live a certain lifestyle, but as adults they may choose to live a different way of life. I grew up in a very strict religious home, and the older I got the more I resented being forced to live with the beliefs. I’ve got 2 cousins who were also raised the same way, except their parents were missionaries who grew up in Australia and Guam. They both decided not to follow the religion and they turned out just fine. Both are college educated and have excellent paying jobs. They are good people, they too probably resented being forced to live a life in foreign countries away from all their family.

    I guess time will tell all in the Duggar family. I just think that the kids should have some say so in their lives. Its time for Michelle to start tending to the younger kids and let the older kids be kids for a change. She’s obsessed with getting pregnant again, when she should be enjoying her kids and grandchildren.