Ah, the ’90s. It was a wonderful time to be alive and going to the movies. So many classic movies came out of that decade, and it’s about time we start remaking them, wouldn’t you agree? Okay, so it might seem like too soon, and maybe you’d rather watch an original movie than one you’ve already seen. But Hollywood has officially run out of original ideas. Didn’t you get the memo? Check your spam folder. The least we can do is give them some guidance for just what movies would be best to adapt for a 21st century audience. And it’s kind of shocking that every movie in theaters isn’t a remake of a ’90s film or TV show or board game or commercial, since we millennials obsess over that decade so much.
There are some movies that are so classic I think they should never be touched. If anyone ever tries to remake Clueless, for example (beyond a fun music video homage), they’ll be getting a stern talking to from me. And if a movie is defined in large part by its distinctive style, it just wouldn’t be the same if taken on by a different director. But then there are other movies that actually do seem right for the remake treatment, either because they’re generic or can easily be adapted for a modern audience to give a fresh take on the story. So without further ado, here ten ’90s movies that Hollywood should really start remaking. It’s for their own good.
1. You’ve Got Mail
It’s already a remake, of a 1940 movie called The Shop Around the Corner, where they used letters (!!!!), so why not update it for a new round of technology? Not only would those two lovebirds meet on Tinder or OkCupid, but instead of an independent bookstore being threatened by a chain bookstore, it would be a chain bookstore being threatened by an e-books company. Eh? Eh?
Who to Cast: Paul Rudd and Amy Poehler
2. The Parent Trap
Another movie that’s already a remake. We could honestly continue to remake this movie with different child actors for a thousand years, I think. There’s nothing more fun than watching one kid play two kids, with a bonus British accent.
Who to Cast: Quvenzhane Wallis and Quvenzhane Wallis
There have already been a million rip-offs of this movie, so why not go back to the source? It’s a super simple if ridiculous concept, there’s tons of action that’ll look even better now that we have all that fancy CGI, and the heroine will wear something other than a chunky gray cardigan. Seriously, Sandy, what were you doing?
Who to Cast: Taylor Kitsch (Let’s throw the guy a bone) and Jennifer Lawrence
4. The Blair Witch Project
Found footage films have taken off, so now that we’ve got so much experience we might as well go back in time and redo this one. A lot of people complain this isn’t scary, so let’s fix that, Hollywood!
Who to Cast: People — it doesn’t really matter.
5. Groundhog Day
The irony of remaking Groundhog Day when it’s all about reliving the same day over and over is not lost on me. But since we’re already turning it into a stage musical (???), why not just make another movie too? Or better yet, a movie musical. I know I’m a genius, you don’t have to remind me.
Who to Cast: Will Ferrell
6. Thelma and Louise
Everyone loves a good girl power movie, and goodness knows we could use more stories about female friendships. It would be ideal if they were new stories, but this works too. Plus we’d get to meet the new Brad Pitt.
Who to Cast: Jessica Chastain and Amy Adams
7. The Usual Suspects
Why wouldn’t Hollywood want to remake a movie that featured an ensemble cast of big-name actors? Yeah, I can’t think of a reason either. There’s that twist at the end that’s already been given away, but I’m sure they can tweak it.
Who to Cast: A bunch of A-listers, probably the same cast as Ocean’s 11.
This one’s a musical too, but whether the movie remake has singing or not, I’m honestly very surprised this hasn’t happened yet. We need to remake this if for no other reason than to let Sam Wheat die in a more modern shirt.
Who to Cast: Channing Tatum and Anne Hathaway (yes, just like that fake movie in Don Jon)
9. Home Alone
Technically all the sequels to this were pretty much remakes, but it’s about time we had another one, wouldn’t you agree? Of course, it would either have to be set in oldentimes or there would have to be some big disaster that would make all the cell phones useless, otherwise it might not make sense. Not that it did to begin with.
Who to Cast: Jaden Smith — actually I think this is just his life story…
I don’t think we talk enough as a society about the fact that Kim and Kanye named their daughter North, which also happens to be name of the character in this movie. And that character happens to go on a quest to find new parents, something I’m sure North West will do in ten years’ time. And when that time comes, this remake will actually just be a documentary.
Who to Cast: North West, duh