I see you over there, comfortable in the knowledge — or belief, I should say — that you’re not in love with Tom Hiddleston. You think you’ve been able to resist his numerous charms up until this point, and you’re pretty goddamn pleased with yourself.
Well that feeling and all those back pats stop now, because things are about to change. The only reason you’re so confident in the theory that you’d kick Tom Hiddleston out of bed for eating crackers is because that theory has never been tested by his newest Jaguar commercial. You’ve never had to sit through two and a half minutes of Tom sultrily explaining why Brits make the best villains, and you know how I know that? Because if you had, you’d have puddle legs right now, and you’d be slopping all around the office making moon-eyes at yourself in the mirror. Don’t try to deny it until you’ve actually SEEN. THE. VIDEO.
Okay, I’m about to leave it here for you. And I’ve never meant this before in quite the way that I mean it now — gird your loins.
Are we…? Are we all accounted for? Did we all make it through that? I’m sorry if I didn’t keep good track of you during the watching process. After a certain point it becomes every blogger for themselves.
All I have to say is that Jaguar is a genius. I don’t even have use for a car, and yet will buy that car. I don’t even have money for a car, and yet my dollar bills are asking ME to purchase it, just so that they might inadvertently get left in the folds of a seat one day that had been gently warmed by Tom Hiddleston’s rump. By proxy of course — the real car from the filming should be in the Sex Museum, and don’t you dare disagree with me.