You are insignificant. Your wedding will be unimpressive. Your friends could never learn all those dance moves. These are all the thoughts running through my head after watching this insane Britney Spears-themed best man speech.
It was written and choreographed by Bradley Bredeweg, who’s the co-creator and executive producer of the ABC Family show The Fosters. Yeah, you didn’t misread that — it has choreography, and kind of a lot of it. All synchronized, obviously, because what are we, peons?
He whipped it up for his best friend’s wedding (not the Julia Roberts kind, the kind where you don’t make someone else’s special day completely about you), because the two of them have a special fondness for Britney. In fact, she’s kind of provided the soundtrack to their lives, in a secret, guilty pleasure kind of way.
But even if you’re not a Britney fan yourself, you’re gonna get your mind blown by this dance number. It’s making me seriously reevaluate my life and all of my choices, wondering why all my friends aren’t trained dancers. Well actually…a lot of them kind of are, now that I think about it, because all my best friends from home I met doing musical theater.
So I guess what I’m really wondering is why I can’t do this. Why I’m not the sort of lady who can whip my hair around in four-inch heels or who’s comfortable lifting up the back of my bridesmaid dress to show a tasteful wedding ass cheek. WHAT HAPPENED TO ME WHY AM I BROKEN.
But you know what part I could definitely handle? (It also happens to be my favorite, so please make sure you don’t guess wrong.) The whole wearing cut-off-sleeved shirts under my tuxedo jacket. I hope everyone does that at my wedding, and I only find out at the after-party.