There have been rumors for months that Johnny DeppÂ andÂ Amber HeardÂ are engaged, but he just chose to confirm them in the strangest way possible.
Well, maybe not the strangest way, given that this is Johnny Depp we’re talking about. It probably only registers at like a 4.9 on the strange scale, whereas signing onto to play the highly racist character of Tonto in The Lone RangerÂ is a strong 10. It involves flipping the switch on gender norms, and I will get to it in just a goddamn second, you guys.
But anyway. Amber has been seen wearing what looks like an engagement ring since January, but people were understandably unwilling to call it that, since Johnny’s not really known to be the marrying kind. After all, he and Vanessa Paradis were together for fourteen years without ever tying the knot, and he and Amber have been dating for less than two and they’re already planning to get hitched. Supposedly. Again, all we’ve really seen is that ring, so it’s probably nothing.Â
But while you can excuse one ring onÂ that finger as just a fluke, two is a little harder to ignore. That’s right everybody — Johnny was seen wearing his own diamond band by reporters in Beijing, and he gave the following explanation for it when asked directly if he and Amber were engaged.
“The fact that Iâ€™m wearing a chickâ€™s ring on my finger is probably a dead giveaway. Not very subtle.”
I…don’t know about that, Johnny. I think it’s very subtle, because I have no idea what it effing means. A guy wearing a diamond ring isn’t a giveaway, because it’s not a thing. You don’t see a dude with a sparkler on his hand and go, “Aha! He’s to be wed! A marriage there shall be!”
Or I don’t, anyway. I can’t speak for you and your forward-thinking brain.
(Photo: Arnold Wells / WENN.com)