Apparently, last night George Clooney and his new girlfriend Amal Alamuddin went on a double date with John Krasinski and Emily Blunt, according to professional celebrity news oversharer E! News. Well, E!, I’m very glad you brought this event to my attention because I now know how pissed off I should be that nobody bothered to call and invite my boyfriend and me along! Sure, I was pretty busy cleaning my bathroom and stuff, but I probably could have rearranged my schedule so I could tag along.
Since I wasn’t able to join George, Amal, Emily and Jim from the Office John for dinner yesterday, I’ve decided to put together a list of the best and worst couples to go on a double date with. That way, if any of these couples ever do find themselves in need of another couple to go out with, they’ll know whether or not they should give me a call.
1. Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis
I think Ashton and Mila are pretty much the best couple in Hollywood right now. That’s mostly because Ashton is from my home state of Iowa, so I imagine us talking about lots of fun Iowa-related things together, like, you know, corn and stuff. But it’s also because I know Ashton and Mila would plan the most adorably low-key date night ever. You know, something the little people like me can enjoy without feeling overwhelmed by their insane beauty and Hollywood power. And hopefully somewhere I could wear my Friday night staple: sweatpants.
2. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West
Now, anyone who knows anything about me knows that I’m (sadly) a Keeping Up with the Kardashians addict. But even I must admit that Kimye isn’t exactly at the top of my let’s-hangout list. First of all, I’m not even sure how many restaurants in the near vicinity have a table bit enough for Kim, Kanye, Kanye’s ego and me. Then there’s the fact that Kris Jenner would almost certainly but lurking in the corner doing some soul-sucking publicity thing I don’t want to be a part of.
3. Beyoncé and Jay Z
Remember how Ashton and Mila would be awesome to go out with because they’re so down to Earth and normal? Yeah, this dinner date would be nothing like that. But it would probably be way, way better because the next day you could brag to all of your friends about how you had dinner with God last night.
4. Victoria and David Beckham
On some level, I’m obsessed with this idea. Like Emma Stone, I’ve had a huge hole in my heart ever since The Spice Girls started doing all these non-Spice-Girls-related things, and I’m sure Posh Spice would love to hear all about that. And I certainly wouldn’t mind looking up to find David Beckham across from me at dinner. But then, I think about what would happen when it was time to order food, and I ordered a burger with fries and an extra-large drink, while Victoria ordered half a salad or rabbit food or whatever it is she’s subsisting on lately. Very awkward. Check please.
5. Blake Shelton and Adam Levine
I know most people think Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake are the best bromance in Hollywood (and I admit, those people are probably right). But as a die-hard fan of The Voice, I must says, these guys may give JT and Jimmy a run for their money. I mean, being around Blake Shelton makes resident douchebag Adam Levine seem almost likable. They really must have something special.
6. Katy Perry and Whoever She’s Dating
No disrespect to Katy Perry (Or to Ben Affleck)—I have one of her insanely catchy songs stuck in my head pretty much every day, and that’s fine by me. If Katy ever called me up and was like, “Hey girl, let’s hangout this weekend,” I’d be all for it. Buuut if she texted me a few hours before we were supposed to meet up asking if her latest boyfriend could tag along, well, that’d be a different story. Let’s face it. Katy’s choice of men tends to be really, really awful. Take her latest boyfriend, rapper Riff Raff. Katy, girl, let’s just do ladies night sometime.
7. Jennifer Lawrence and Josh Hutcherson
Wait, these guys aren’t dating yet? Why aren’t they dating yet? What do we have to do to get them to start dating?!?!
8. Leighton Meester and Adam Brody
Despite what you might be thinking, I’m going to have to put these guys on the avoid-at-all costs dinner date list. I mean, I’m obsessed with both of them—Queen B Blair Waldorf and Seth Cohen married? This is the stuff my dreams are made of—but that’s exactly the problem. I’m reasonably certain if I got too close to them, I would literally die from jealousy that I’m not as beautiful or talented or awesome as either of them.