According to Life & Style, who has never lead me astray not once not never, Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are getting married. Even though they just got back together and do most of their communicating over social media, it’s probably going to be any minute now. Their headline is literally ‘Justin and Selena: They’re Getting Married’. Can’t get much more clear than that.
According to an insider close to Justin:
“Every time Justin and Selena break up, they come back together with more intensity. The two of them getting married wouldn’t surprise anyone.”
They have gotten together and broken up an insane number of times by now, so the intensity levels are at an all-time high! And according to a source who knows Selena:
“Justin has always told her he’d love to marry her in a heartbeat, and I can totally see her running off with him. Her mom would flip out if a wedding happened. She’d make Selena get an annulment.”
So that proves it! After all, Justin is quite the connoisseur of foolish choices, as he’s proven with his ever-expanding tattoo collection, and Selena’s parents really do hate Justin. This all checks out!
So since they’re both busy people — Selena with putting naked photos of herself on Instagram, and Justin ignoring the attempts of a kid with cancer who wants to meet him — why not write their vows for them? With the kinds of schedules they’re working with, I’m sure they’d be nothing but grateful. Short and sweet, okay? Because these two already have enough on their minds without having to memorize more than two reasons each for why this is a good idea.
Justin: “Baby baby baby oh. Like, baby baby baby noooo one knows why you’ve stayed with me all this time except for me, and I forgot. I love you sweetheart, now can you please change my diaper pants?”
Selena: “If you want it come and get it nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nowwwww I’ll marry you, I just had to make sure my mic was off and it was safe to stop lip syncing. That music will just continue to play in the background, I hope you don’t mind. NO JUSTIN DON’T PEE IN THERE THAT’S HOLY WATER.”
Congratulations, you crazy kids! I’ll start practicing my speech for the annulment next week!