• Thu, Mar 27 - 2:06 pm ET

Rosario Dawson Describes The Time She Built A Giant Penis And Vagina, Nearly Gives Conan A Heart Attack

Rosario Dawson Conan March 2014

Rosario Dawson is very comfortable talking about vaginas. She made that clear when she gave the one she possesses the nickname “The General” and made us all bow down to her infinite coolness. So obviously last night on Conan she spoke candidly about the giant vagina and penis she built for Burning Man. So candidly, in fact, that I’m pretty sure Conan O’Brien became petrified listening to it. And I’m talking in the literal Harry Potter “I just looked at a basilisk” sense of the word.

I’m not familiar with Burning Man, but the image I have of it in my head is just a bunch of Shailene Woodleys in various loose-fitting outfits dancing barefoot in the desert for a week. Apparently now I’ll have to add Rosario Dawson, a penis slide, and a misting vagina to my mental image. Because that’s what Rosario built to go with the “rite of passage” theme of the event. The rite of passage she wanted to convey was being born, but from her description it was actually more about being conceived. And yes, people had to go through the vagina more than once if they didn’t find the G-spot. Why would you even ask such a silly question? You should just assume that.

The story itself is priceless, because Rosario is just so delighted by her own genital-related creativity and wants everyone to hear about how much fun it was. But it’s made approximately 13,000 times more entertaining because Conan sits there the whole time unable to move. I expected it to be the quiet before the storm, the storm of course being his head exploding into a million tiny pieces right before our eyes. He even says he thinks he “blacked out.” As someone who doesn’t spend a lot of time thinking about penis slides and vagina tents, my reaction was pretty much the same. I am Conan. Conan is me. And Rosario Dawson is getting added to my list of “lovable weirdos” ASAP.

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