Just when we thought that John Mayer represented the bottom of the dating barrel that Katy Perry was scraping her way through, she went and proved us wrong. I don’t know if it was a trick shelf or a false bottom or what, but it turns out there’s a whole ‘nother room down there, and Riff Raff is sitting on a gaudy old throne right in the middle of it.
Yeah that’s right, guys. Katy Perry is dating the rapper Riff Raff, and there’s a photo to prove it. I don’t know where they went or why, but Katy wore a jean jacket and an expression that isn’t nearly pained enough, given that she’s on the arm of a man who threatened to sue James Franco because he thought his character in the film Spring Breakers had been based on him. The man whose Instagram description is literally:
AT BiRTH i WAS HATCHED FROM A VERSACE EGG .. A POLAR BEAR JURY CHARGED ME WiTH BURGLARY BECUZ i ROCK ALL THiS JEWELRY
That’s the lovely gentleman who took Katy Perry out and then posted a photo of it to Instagram with the caption ‘ON A DATE WiTH KATY PERRY SHE iS PURDY’. That’s where our standards have dropped to. I mean at least Russell Brand is intelligent, and John Mayer is a talented guitarist and presumably good at sex…I’m just having trouble imagining what it is that Riff Raff could possibly be offering in this scenario, other than the novel new concept of a lowercase i surrounded by uppercase words. This is a helluva rebound, girl.
But Katy seems to be into it, regramming his photo herself a week later for a #TBT harkening back to the time she went on a date with Riff Raff. Have we no shame, Katy? Must we climb even further down the ladder of hopelessness, finally finding ourselves linked up with a man who talks about his date with you while his hand is LITERALLY ON THE ASS OF ANOTHER WOMAN.
I’m just saying we all need to get together and stop this train before it pulls into Bieber Station. It’s not that far off at this point.