In news that will upset gluten-eaters and non-gluten-eaters around the world, Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin have announced via Goop that they’re separating. While their announcement included all the usual “we’ve decided to part ways because being in the same room makes us want to vomit” mumbo jumbo, there are already rumors that Gwyneth cheated on Chris Martin. Twice. Which is two times the amount of cheating she recommended in her annual marriage edition of Goop. And no you Gwyneth Goopie Goons, I’m not talking about times when she cheated on her air diet by digesting food items. I’m talking about actual p-in-v cheating.
According to Blind Gossip, Gwynnie allegedly cheated with billionaire Jeffrey Soffer and Glee writer Brad Falchuk. Sure you’ve never heard of either of those guys. But who knew Rupert Sanders’ name before Kristen Stewart? These guys are about to get the bing googled right outta them (and if you don’t believe me, ask Jeeves). While Blind Gossip isn’t the most legit source, their allegations do make sense when you take a moment and recall the Vanity Fair Expose Scandal of 2013.
Yeah remember that scandalous Vanity Fair Gwyneth Paltrow expose that was supposed to come out a few months ago? Remember how we were all chomping at the bit at the prospect of her skeletons coming to light. And then remember how she ruined Christmas for everyone by somehow convincing Vanity Fair not to run it with all the juicy deets included? Yeah, I know, these are tough memories for all of us to relive. But the fact that Gwyn and Chris are now separating is forcing us to start connecting some dots. (Which BTW burns 3 calories/dot.) So yeah, do with this information what you will.
Also, as we always like to remind you with all our celebrity separation stories, love is dead.
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