Bradley Cooper And Suki Waterhouse Are Done, So I Guess Her Award Season Contract Is Up

Bradley Cooper and Suki Waterhouse attending London Fashion Week February 2014There’s a saying in Hollywood that award season isn’t really over until the last fakelationship ends. Or maybe that’s just a saying in the Crushable office…but regardless! We’re gonna have to pack it up, because Bradley Cooper and Suki Waterhouse are finally calling off this beautiful mirage that we were supposed to believe was a real relationship. See ya next year!

I know I sound judgemental, but I’m really not, you guys. If this is a contract, then it was a really good one. Suki did well for herself. This time last year, she was just an anonymous little face sitting in the backseat of Bradley’s car on the way home from the ELLE Style Awards, and now she’s been the girlfriend of a Hollywood A-Lister, I follow her on Instagram, and anyone who’s anyone no longer has to Google ‘what is a Suki Waterhouse?’ whenever her name is mentioned.

And all Bradley had to do was take her to the White House once, help out with homework, and leave her with a sitter anytime he wanted to do a big-boy activity like his twentieth high school reunion. WHAT COULD BE BETTER.

In short, it’s been a good haul, and it was beautiful while it lasted, but there are no longer any award season events that Bradley needs a plus-one to, so it’s time for the PR machine to start a-spinning. We’re gonna need a really believable reason for a break-up, you guys. Don’t let me down.

“Suki is keeping her distance. Bradley wants to settle down and start a family.”

Ah yes, the ‘too young’ defense. No one could have possibly predicted that one…from the very first minute. Apparently they’re not officially broken up yet, but it’s coming soon, and Suki’s gonna be the one leading the charge.

“She thought it was better to end things now rather than letting them drag on.”

Yeah. Honestly, without the promise of glitzy awards dinners to balance it out, the prospect of any more of those staged park hangouts was just too embarrassing to contemplate.


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    • Guest

      But I’m super stoked for the next fake relationship!

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Any day now!

    • T

      You’re just mad she called you out on twitter. LOL. The split rumor is probably not true anyway. Do some fact checking!

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Actually, I was thrilled when she called me out on Twitter. So thrilled that I retweeted it.

        So you and I should both fact check together!

      • Scarlett

        where do you get you information from? There relationship is going very strong.

    • Elizabeth Aspen

      I find it hilarious that when Howard Stern asked Coop why he didn’t “bang” J-Law, he said, ‘Are you kidding, she’s like 23! Way too young for me!’ So he decided to go even YOUNGER with this one. Men and their stalks.

      • Erin

        I definitely get a brother/sister type vipe from Coop and J-Law though, so I can understand why they’ve never gone there.

    • suki sucks

      Talentless Sucky showed on twitter with Crushable she spends all day taking selfies of her big nose-ugly forehead-greasy hair + googling herself instead of working like Rita, Cara, Jourdan,Georgia. She is a bad omen. He loses every time Sucky sits next to him.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        You feel very strongly.