Kendall Jenner Gets A Fake Tattoo, Doesn’t Have The Balls To Be A Real Kardashian

Kendall Jenner attending American Music Awards November 2013(Photo: Adriana M. Barraza /

Know how I know Kendall Jenner can’t hack it as a real Kardashian? Because she doesn’t have the stones to get a real tattoo instead of a fake one. She’s missing out on triple the attention by getting inked in Sharpie instead of making things permanent, and in that family, missing out on attention simply isn’t done.

Sure, if Kendall had really gotten a huge, feathery wingspan down her right arm, she’d probably be living with some regret right now, but that’s what being a Kardashian is all about! It’s about never looking before you leap, as long as that leap is into the spotlight. As Kris Jenner always says, there’s a divorce for every marriage, a laser for every tattoo, and a threat-based weight-loss regimen for every son who’s been deemed too unsightly for Keeping Up With The Kardashians and exiled to Florida.

So what’s the hold-up, Kendall? If you want to run with the big dogs, you have to start making some actual mistakes, and not just phoning it in all the time with your permanent marker designs drawn on by tattoo artist Nat Wood! Here are just a few of the times she’s pussed out on really klosing the deal, Kardashian-style.

C’mon girl, that’s just a teeny tiny one! You could make that happen! Do you think Kim would be famous right now if she’d only recorded thirty seconds of a sex tape? NO. You gotta go whole hog. Or whole…longhorn cattle on your finger, in this case. You get it.

Okay yeah, that’s definitely big enough to make some waves, and it also has that whole cultural-appropriation thing going on, so def good potential for permanent regret.

C’mon girl, grow a spine? (DO YOU GET IT?!?!?!?!)

Even Kylie Jenner gets in on the wishy-washy action, getting a Rihanna-esque gun tattoo on her ribcage that quickly wore off, because it wasn’t real. Sigh.

C’mon ladies! Time is ticking away for you to do something foolish enough to really put yourselves on the map! I’d recommend secretly marrying Harry Styles, Kendall, but if he’s not into it, a full-shoulder wing might be your next best bet.

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    • Lindsey Conklin

      I would think that much sharpie wouldn’t be good for your skin…also what’s the point of this, kendall and kylie? hahaha

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    • PaintingChef

      That wing is actually really, really beautiful.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Then she needs to sack up and get it!

    • FemelleChevalier

      So… she’s treating her skin like a whiteboard instead of a canvass?

      That’s pretty smart, actually. She can plan a good tattoo later in life if she wants to, and not just “doodles”.

    • Natalie

      First off, the title of this article is really dumb. Kendall doesn’t have the “balls to be a Kardashian” because A) she’s Kendall Jenner, not Kendall Kardashian and B) just because she’s apart of the Kardashian/Jenner family, that doesn’t mean she has to be a carbon copy of them. And does it really matter that she doesn’t want to get a real tattoo? That’s a LOT smarter because it gives her time to think about what she does or doesn’t want. Besides, real tattoos aren’t for everyone and sometimes people just want cool designs on them temporarily.

      • FemelleChevalier

        Satire. Irony.

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