Earlier today, an earthquake hit the star-studded city of Los Angeles. Thankfully none of our precious celebrities got injured in the natural disaster. As far as we know, they’re all safe and accounted for at the moment. In fact, our sources tell us that most of them were still fast asleep in their age-defying-cocoon-sacks and didn’t even feel a thing. Of course that doesn’t mean that movie scripts aren’t being passed around Hollywood as we speak. I’m sure Ben Affleck’s already signed on to star in an Oscar bait movie he’s directing and producing called, “Little Earthquake, Big Hero.” As you can see, Billy Eichner’s already written and sold a book about the earthquake that’s dropping next week. Earthquakes happen fast, but celebrities move faster.
You guys my book about how I survived the earthquake drops next week.
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) March 17, 2014
However the true heroes of this earthquake aren’t the celebrities, but the amazing news anchors at KTLA. In the middle of their morning news routine, they felt the ground shudder and they felt the ground shake and they did what any of us would’ve done. And that’s freak the fuck out. One second they’re at their desks and the next second they’re underneath them. Then, get this, the next second they’re back up and reporting on the earthquake that nearly destroyed them. It’s everything you could want in a morning news report, plus some light debris falling from the ceiling. If they don’t have their reality show by the end of the day, then I don’t know LA like I thought I knew LA.