Let’s All Join Channing Tatum’s Wife Jenna In Fat-Shaming Their Daughter

Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan-Tatum attending Vanity Fair Oscars party March 2014I don’t like to point fingers, but someone in this room is fat-shaming right now. I’ll give you some hints. It’s not me, and it’s not you, and — okay fine, it’s Jenna Dewan-Tatum. You would’ve figured it out sooner or later, because she’s the only other one here.

Normally I wouldn’t gossip about our friend Jenna like this, but it’s just that she was fat-shaming that baby she has with her husband Channing Tatum. I forget her name. Everly or something. ANYWAY. Jenna was super totes fat-shaming her in a recent interview with People and I refuse to stay silent about it! Just read this.

“[I stay fit by] carrying my baby all day long and carting her around.”

CARTING HER AROUND? Jenz! Can I call you Jenz? Cool. Implying that your baby is such a load of cargo that you have to hitch yourself into a cart like a horse and pull her around is totes not cool. Okay Jenz?

“She’s not little. She’s definitely getting my husband’s genes— I’m getting my arm workout by that.”

Jenz-Tates! (Can I call you that instead? I feel like I like it better than just plain Jenz.) Is your baby seriously a full grown man that you have to carry around on your hip? Do you have a full size manbaby? Please report back but also don’t tell the press that! I’m like, worried about you, girl.

“My nights in with her are so much fun. I had to tear myself away to come out tonight.”

JENNA BABIES SHOULD NEVER BE STRONG ENOUGH TO PHYSICALLY RESTRAIN YOU FROM GOING TO A PARTY. Can you hear me JenzDewsTates? Hmmm. Don’t love that.

“She’s very much into these building blocks. So we build lots of things and she tears them down. And then I build them and she tears them down again. It’s a very fun game between the two of us.”

Please confirm that this is an infant you’re speaking of, and not a Godzilla-like creature straight out of Honey I Blew Up The Kids.

“I’m reading Rapunzel to her and she’s like I don’t really care, I just want to put it in my mouth and chew on it. So we’re at that stage.”

SHE’S A MONSTER.

(Photo: Brian To / WENN.com)

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    • Guest

      I don’t really know that I would classify that as fat shaming.. Lighten up!

      • guest

        Haha, it is satire. She’s kidding!

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Thank you guest! Not you, Guest!

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        I won’t lighten up until this world is full of only skinny babies who can walk the Paris runways.

    • Ang

      But what would Suri say?

    • Mystik Spiral

      Oh man, you had me going with the first one… Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me… haha.

    • CMJ

      Ugh, stop shaming fat-shamers shaming shamers.

    • lethalenoki

      Alexis. You have me very conflicted. I don’t know how I ended up on crushable to begin with, but I still hate celebrity gossip. Nevertheless, you have somehow taken an approach that I cannot help but find clever and refreshing. I want to read your articles, because of your approach, but I simply cannot get past the base content. Can’t you just take your writing style and write about the weather or rocks or something?

      • her7

        Those are the things you like? Weather and rocks?

      • lethalenoki

        Like? Oh no. But if we are talking a spectrum of preferences, weather and rocks are floating at around 0 +/- 5 while celebrity gossip sits easily at about -5,372,904 +/- 5. I am sure if Alexis applied her charm and unconventional perspective to weather and rocks, I would love them. Ain’t nuthin’ in the world that can make me enjoy celebrity gossip, though. That’s my point.

    • ali

      This is sarcasm right?

    • Elizabeth Aspen

      Are you out of your mind? I saw nothing in her words that indicates “fat shaming”. Jesus, overly-sensitive PC women like you make me embarrassed to be a feminist. So damn Dworkin.

    • J_Doe5686

      I know that when I was a baby my mom got a hernia and a dislocated shoulder just by holding me. Her doctor said that I was a hazard and sent me to baby fat camp. Didn’t work but boy was my mom happy when I learned how to walk!

    • FemelleChevalier

      Hmmm… You made some thought-provoking points, Alexis.

      Also, JenzDewsTates is an excellent tongue-twister.

    • The Great Seymour(Butz)

      never mind the hefty baby just try toting dirty litter down to garbage

    • http://mombodysoul.com MomBodySoul.com

      OH NO SHE DIIITTTNNNTT. I just had to… I am interpreting this all as satire and thank you for that. At first I thought you were insane, but it became clear that you are just pointing out the insanity of the rest of the guilting, gossip starved public. That was entertaining – even though I only read the first few lines until I started teething on my screen – GODZILLA style.

    • Romylove

      I came in ready to be indignant about her calling the baby a lard-ass or something. Good one.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Hurray! Thanks!