Nothing says I love you like loving other people at the same time. Or so Justin Bieber once whispered to me while playing in the ball pitt at Chuck E.Cheese. Right before he yelled, “Pattie! Diaper change! Now!”
Just days after the Biebs romantically reunited with his on-again-off-again-clapper-light-ex-girlfriend Selena Gomez at SXSW and made the world’s most cringeworthy couples dance video, rumors are coming out that he’s already planning on cheating on her. Which is worse than just plain old cheating on her. Because it’s one thing to mess up when you’re wasted and (desperate) women are throwing themselves at you in a club at 5 AM. It’s a whole other thing to sit down and pick a cheating date on your calendar. “Aha, April 3rd sounds like a good day for a tryst.” And yes, I’m giving Justin Bieber all the benefits of the doubt by assuming he not only knows how to use a calendar, but also knows words like tryst.
While details on this alleged cheating plan are scant, Hollywood Life has all the details available. Unfortunately they’re cloaked in a variety of unnecessary cake metaphors, so they’ll probably just leave you confused and craving cake.
“When opportunity knocks, he will for sure answer the door,” the source continues. “He knows that he would be able to get Selena back if she were to find out, so he is having his cake and eating it too.”
You know what happens to people who say “let them eat cake,” Justin…
He may not be picking up his cake right now, but he sure is picking up Selena!
If I’m interpreting these correctly — and there’s a strong chance I’m not — Justin Bieber has some cake right now, but would like more cake in the future. Perhaps a different flavor of cake. Also cake is yummy in my tummy.