Today is a very important day in the lives of people who enjoy pop culture and funny things. Funny or Die’s Billy on the Street returns for a third season on Fuse tonight at 11 PM. That means we get to see Billy Eichner yell at even more people on the streets of New York. I could not be happier. I’ve been a Billy fan ever since I binge watched the first season of his show On Demand late into the night and got the best ab workout of my life from laughing so hard.
Luckily even when Billy’s show isn’t airing I can still get a dose of him every so often as Craig on Parks and Rec, and also on his hilarious Twitter account. If you don’t follow him @billyeichner, you are missing out. From his obsession with Meryl Streep and the Real Philomena to his all-caps award show live-tweeting, Billy’s account is simply the best. If you imagine it all in his voice it gets even better. So in honor of his show coming back, I’ve rounded up the funniest tweets, in no particular order, for your reading pleasure. Okay, so they might not be THE funniest, because all his tweets are amazing and there are thousands of them, and I can’t go through them all, but these are some of my favorites, so deal.
YOU KNOW WHAT GUYS KIM NOVAK IS 81 AND SHE DIDNT FALL DOWN TWICE UNLIKE SOME OTHER PEOPLE I KNOW
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) March 3, 2014
Billy live-tweeting the Oscars is my own personal heaven.
If Cher accepts for Jared Leto will anyone notice??? — billy eichner (@billyeichner) March 2, 2014
Like I said. Heaven.
Bette Midler and Liza Minnelli both appearing on the Oscars Sunday. And then a huge penis going into a butt will announce Best Picture.
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) February 26, 2014
This is just… I have no words.
Congratulations to Meryl Streep and literally nobody else on their Oscar nominations.
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) January 16, 2014
Guys, thanks for following me tonight and don’t worry, Jacqueline Bisset is only seconds away from the stage. Any minute now…. — billy eichner (@billyeichner) January 13, 2014
He also live tweeted the Golden Globes.
Stay tuned for the live after show TALKING SOUND. — billy eichner (@billyeichner) December 6, 2013
And The Sound of Music Live.
Ellen Page just came out of the closet. Everyone meet me at Starbucks NOW. — billy eichner (@billyeichner) February 15, 2014
Billy knows an important issue when he sees one.
Congratulations to Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Kimmel and every single fucking person named Jimmy. — billy eichner (@billyeichner) February 18, 2014
There are way too many Jimmys in the world. We can all agree on that.
Oh shit I bought every President a gift except for James Madison! — billy eichner (@billyeichner) February 18, 2014
Those damn presidents bleed us dry every year.
I feel like Thanksgiving for Kanye West is just forcing Kris Jenner to stand in the corner while he screams at her about turkey and Paris. — billy eichner (@billyeichner) November 27, 2013
Um, that is the perfect theory.
“Wow, she’s lame” – Anne Hathaway watching Taylor Swift — billy eichner (@billyeichner) August 26, 2013
Saw HER last night and then immediately went home and went down on my microwave.
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) January 10, 2014
Can we get a relationship update, Billy?
How dare Ben Affleck ruin the integrity of a franchise where a grown man pretends he’s a bat! — billy eichner (@billyeichner) August 23, 2013
Simply a travesty.
FYI Billy On the Street doesn’t return til early 2014. That said, life moves really fast & soon it’ll be back on & then we’ll be dead! — billy eichner (@billyeichner) August 15, 2013
Hey, it’s finally time! Will we all be dead tomorrow?
Love the hat, Billy.
JOHN TRAVOLTA WE ARE STILL WAITING FOR AN EXPLANATION. — billy eichner (@billyeichner) March 4, 2014
I havent watched Scandal yet – was it CRAZY or CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY? Or was it CRAY CRAZY CRAY CRAY?? Or was it CRAZY CRAZY OMG CRAZY CRAY??? — billy eichner (@billyeichner) February 28, 2014
I don’t watch Scandal, but this really sums up the reactions I’ve seen.
Yes, I still tweet about SMASH. I will ALWAYS tweet about SMASH. 40 years from now I’m either going to be dead or tweeting about SMASH. — billy eichner (@billyeichner) February 8, 2014
I may come out in 2014, not sure yet. — billy eichner (@billyeichner) December 30, 2013
We’re waiting, Billy.
Great news! Everything you secretly suspected about those Duck Dynasty guys is true! So cool! — billy eichner (@billyeichner) December 19, 2013
Yeah, pretty much.
There’s no way that Taylor Swift isn’t a fictional character from Saved by the Bell.
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) January 27, 2014
This might be the best description of Taylor Swift I’ve ever seen.
If you unfollow me, please note that I have written down your twitter name and I will find you and I will destroy you.
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) January 12, 2014
WHO WOULD DARE?!
My favorite part of the Miley Cyrus video is that Scarlett Johansson does the voice of her vagina.
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) December 26, 2013
You guys. I can’t handle this.