Update: In case all of this isn’t enough for you, he apparently also slept with three women this season. So much for setting a good example for his daughter. Facepalm.
It takes a lot for me to admit this, guys, but I was wrong. Oh so wrong about Juan Pablo Galavis, the subject of this season of The Bachelor. When it started, I was super psyched, on account of his pro-soccer player body, chiseled good looks, devotion to his daughter, and adorable Venezuelan accent.
I was blinded by my desire to trail my fingers over his abs, basically, and I have no problem admitting that, now that he’s been revealed for the douchebag he truly is. The curtain had been coming down progressively all season long, but the illusion was completely shattered into a thousand douchey pieces on the finale and After The Final Rose last night. For once, I wasn’t even upset that it was three hours of television, because I was flabbergasted every single second by how big of an asshole he is. As was most of the internet.
But we can’t all be expected to throw a full-length feature film’s amount of hours away on a Monday evening, so please come along with me as I list out JP’s most impressively dickish moments throughout the whole season. Although spoiler alert — most of them are from last night, because WOW GIRL. Just wow.
1. When he made those homophobic comments. In response to a question about whether the show would ever welcome a gay couple, Juan took the liberty of explaining how that would be ‘confusing’ to kids because same-sex couples are ‘more pervert, in a sense.’ In retrospect, we all should have stopped watching the show the moment this happened, because things could only get worse.
2. When he slut-shamed Clare. After Juan Pablo happily joined her in the ocean for a late-night romp, he later backpedaled big time, telling Clare that what they did was a mistake, that he regretted it, and that he’d be ashamed for his daughter to see him like that. But you don’t mind her seeing your homophobia in all its blazing colors? Charming.
3. When he casually threw out the word ‘retard’ in a tweet. But don’t worry, guys — there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation.
— Juan Pablo Galavis™ (@JuanPaGalavis) March 7, 2014
4. Whatever he said to Clare in the helicopter. During their ride together in the helicopter, Juan Pablo leaned over and whispered something in her ear that wasn’t picked up by microphones, something that really upset Clare. She refused to reveal what it was at ATFR, but online reports state that when she asked him if he loved her, he responded, “I really loved fucking you.” Yikes, dude.
5. His reaction after he rejected Clare. Clare was understandably upset when he sent her home at the final opportunity after giving her absolutely no reason to doubt that he’d be proposing, so she reacted accordingly. She refused to give him the hug that he stepped forward for, and then told him off in a way that earned my respect after a long season of not taking her seriously:
“I lost respect for you. What you just made me go through? I would never want my children having a father like you.”
YES GIRL. But his reaction? Not tears, not any kind of introspection or regret. Just the sentence, “Wooo! I’m glad I didn’t pick her!” The live studio audience literally booed.
6. When he didn’t propose to Nikki. I have no problem with this show ending sans a proposal, but if you already have a ring in your pocket and the winner of the show comes into it saying:
“I want to hear all the things that he hasn’t been able to say to me. I want Juan Pablo to tell me that he loves me, I want that so bad. I can’t wait to tell my mom that I’m engaged.”
…you better follow it up with something a little stronger than, “I like you a lot,” and a wink. The phrases “you’re so pretty” and “don’t get cranky” are also not good substitutes for “I love you.”
7. When he was so relieved that the show is finally over. Now he can finally have some privacy! Not. In the words of Catherine Giudici, don’t slap the hand that feeds you. I mean don’t bite it either, but you get the point, you ungrateful scallywag.
8. He still hasn’t said I love you. Juan Pablo and Nikki have supposedly been dating for four months now, not counting the time they spent together on the show, and even though she says she loves him, HE REFUSES TO SAY IT BACK. I’m in shock, you guys. How is Nikki still with him?
10. When there was no big surprise. Apparently Juan had teased a ‘big surprise’ to producers at ATFR, but he feigned ignorance when Chris brought it up. According to Reality Steve, Juan Pablo had allegedly been offered a monetary incentive to propose on live TV, and he was considering whether he wanted to accept it. Obviously he ultimately decided against it, and if you believe the rumors, covered his tracks so it looked like Chris was ill-informed about his own show.
11. They still have no plans on where they’re going to live. Juan again teased the studio audience with a cryptic revelation that they had things pretty much figured out, until they ‘changed dramatically’ two weeks ago. He didn’t give any more context than that, but according to rumors, that change happened when Juan was dropped from the roster of Dancing With The Stars following his homophobic comments. If he’d been placed on the show like Sean was before him — something he’d been building up to all season with constant commentary on how much he loved to dance — he (and presumably Nikki) would have moved to Los Angeles for filming.
I hope this solved some mysteries for you — the only one I can’t help you with is how we possibly ever liked this dude in the first place. Ees not okay.