The Face returns tonight with the premiere of its second season, and if you’re anything like me, just admit that you’ll be tuning in.
After all, is there anything more entertaining than models on television or in movies? Their whole lives and careers are dedicated to looking good in front of the cameras, with notttt all that much attention paid to learning how to sound good in front of them. Modeling is for sure a skill, and once that I undeniably don’t have for many many reasons, but just having a pretty face does not an actor or a TV personality make.
Or at least that’s what I’ve discovered in my tireless treks through the crappy movies that models have done while dipping their (dainty) big toes into the acting pool.There are some real gems out there you guys…more than I’d even remembered. And since movies are forever, these particular treasures will serve as a tireless reminder forevermore to these models that it’s not quite time to quit their day jobs.
1. Heidi Klum
Let me just say first of all, that Heidi does an excellent job of hosting Project Runway. I feel like she really has that down. But watching her film guest spots on shows like Parks and Recreation and How I Met Your Mother really make my skin crawl with sympathy pains. Just act naturally, woman! You don’t have to clench every muscle in your body all at once!
2. Erin Heatherton
When your most high-profile credit on IMDb is Grown Ups 2, that’s probably a good indicator that you’re better off on the Victoria’s Secret runway. But what do I know; I’ve never dated Leonardo DiCaprio. Perhaps it’s perfect real world training for wearing a cheerleading uniform and shouting stitled lines at a car wash.
3. Tyra Banks
Oh Tyra. You are literally the poster child of this post, because you have done some seriously wacky movies. And at the top of that pile is the time you played a doll come to life. It’s a a tough day when you can’t quite pull off the role of ‘human mannequin’, wouldn’t you say?
4. Jessica Alba
I get that Jessica Alba actually is an actor, and that’s where she makes the majority of her money, but until you’ve seen Fantastic Four, you don’t get to tell me that she should be doing anything but modeling. Just to give you a little context, I couldn’t find a single collection of clips on YouTube that actually contains dialogue. It’s just her pretty little face with music in the background. Yikes.
5. Brooklyn Decker
“Here Brooklyn, can you lie on top of a man in a bikini in Battleship? One of the worst movies ever made? That is all that shall be required of you.”
6. Kate Upton
You’d be hard-pressed to find a dude who didn’t want to date her, but I’d say even harder-pressed to find an actor eager to be cast opposite her in a movie.
7. Karolina Kurkova
Karolina was such a memorable part of G.I. Joe: The Rise Of The Cobra that she doesn’t even appear in the trailer. Impressive.
8. Gisele Bundchen
Just want to point out A. that woman is a very bad cop and B. this movie (Taxi, 2004) was ten years ago and she’s only done a brief cameo in The Devil Wears Prada since. I’m hoping we learned our lesson.
9. Marisa Miller
I get it, Marisa. I would have signed on board immediately as well after hearing the premise of ‘cops who are actually dead cops’. How could that not be brilliant?
10. Ashton Kutcher
Annnnnd good old Ashton to round out the list. I’m very aware that he, like Jessica Alba, actually does make his money off of acting. I just don’t know that we should really be calling it that, considering he’s admitted his entire character for Jobs was just firing people and walking like he was going uphill.