It’s So Cute How The Duggar Girls Confuse Being Horny With Being Sinful

Growing up Duggar Book Cover DaughterAnother day, another Duggar Family story that will make you roll your eyes. The eldest Duggar daughters continue to promote their new tell-all book Growing up Duggar by sharing insider family secrets about what it’s like to grow up in a cult big family.  Or more accurately, what it’s like to grow up in a fundamentalist Christian family that constantly uses religion as an excuse to keep their children chaste. Why? Because the only thing scarier than female sexuality is females wearing pants.

Today’s quotes on Radar Online reveal that the Duggar girls do feel attraction toward men (AND NOT WOMEN! God made sure of that), but work hard every single day not to act on that attraction. Because grazing someone’s arm leads to kissing someone’s face which leads to trying to unhook someone’s bra which leads to having to go ask Jim Bob Duggar for the combination code to unhook the bra which leads to Jim Bob Duggar telling God you’ve been naughty which leads to being struck down by lightening which leads to TLC having to adjust the name of the show which leads to a decline in viewership because no one knows what the fuck 18 Kids and Counting is when they see it on the TV guide.

They admit, “God has created us to have a natural physical desire toward men. When these feelings arise, we thank God for making us ‘normal.’ … But during our single years, this physical attraction, if not carefully controlled, can also be one of the biggest sources of temptation and struggles.” To avoid that, they say, they avoid spending time alone with guys because “it’s easy to put yourself into physical and moral danger and give into those emotions or sensual thoughts that promise pleasant, but only temporary, fulfillment.”

While I’m happy to hear that they’re at least allowed to acknowledge that they’re sexually attracted to people, it’s incredibly disheartening to hear that they think acting on this attraction automatically lands them on the first bus to Hell. (And you know Hell transports their clients via bus. A bathroomless, airconditionless bus, where someone speaks loudly on their phone the entire time.) It’s even more disheartening to hear that they truly believe that their impulses are out of their control. That they have to be kept away from men at all times, lest they strip off all their clothes and sexy time them. All of them. As we know from the Prude Scientists of Creationist America Society, one sexy time leads to many sexy time.

As much as I hope that writing and promoting this book leads Jessa, Jinger, Jana and Jill to realize that women are a lot more responsible than they give themselves credit for, it seems unlikely at this point. But a girl can dream that maybe one day they’ll put on a pair of pants and talk to a man and realize that they’re in control of their own lives.

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    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      I thank god every day that she made me abnormal so I know not to wear that much fucking denim at once.

      • Bunny Lucia

        Amen!

      • Coco

        My first thought was “these people wear too much denim on denim” !!

      • Lady Pool

        And perms! I don’t understand the attraction of a bad home perm.

      • brebay

        straight hair is the mark of the devil.

      • FemelleChevalier

        Funnily enough, we have a pun/saying back home (high percentage of Catholics and Christians) about curlies being the bearer of plague.

        …it makes sense in my mother tongue, I swear.

      • Psych Student

        I’m a curly haired woman and I LOVE this! Beware, for I am the bearer of *plague*!!!! Bwahahahah!

      • jane

        You win. You win it all. The internet can close now.

      • Williwaw

        I wish I could like your comment a hundred times.

    • Kelly

      Arm grazing leads to sex? That’s weird. I shake people’s hands every day and I’ve never fucked any of them.

      I guess I’m just super special and more pious than those Duggar whores. LMAO

      • Jenni

        You have much more control than them. Are you sure you’re a woman?

      • Williwaw

        If arm grazing led to sex, there would be more elevator orgies.

      • FemelleChevalier

        Whoah… I knew it! I always knew there’s something fishy going on when people eagerly rally to protest in front of a government building for the sake of “human rights” and “political change”.

        I finally got my answer: ORGY. Those heathens can’t resist the temptation of a split-second skin contact.

    • tk88

      I find kids that are raised like this painfully sad. Being trapped in a bubble and forced to believe natural, normal things are bad or sinful–or that you are innately bad or sinful just for being human is truly awful. The way they raise their children/personal church is horrifying. I hope some of them come out with a book years later saying how they’re thrilled they found out how the world really works and that they know now their family is nuts.

      • Jenni

        Out of 19, odds are at least one will break away. I’m guessing one of the younger kids who got less attention from their parents and lots of attention from being on a reality show.

      • tk88

        Whichever and whenever it (hopefully) happens I’ll definitely read that book. Now THAT one would be intriguing.

      • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

        We had a family kind of like this in my hometown, except they stopped at like 12 kids. But yes, one of them had several kids out of wedlock, did a lot of crazy partying, and it was quite the scandal for their family. So….I can’t wait for whichever Duggar breaks away! Bring on the shenanigans.

      • brebay

        Her name was Janessah, she was the oldest. She tried that shit when she was twelve…she lives in cellar now. That padlock’s just there for her own safety.

    • Kaitlin Reilly

      Actually the only thing scarier than girls wearing pants is girls wearing floor-length denim skirts. My middle school self is super jealous.

      • Happy times

        I’ve never really understood why some religions push the skirts so much. Doesn’t that just mean easier access? If you are going to be “sinful” it will happen pants, shorts, skirts, chastity belt. Were there is a will there is a way. So the Duggars should really lighten up.

      • Véronique Houde

        For some strange reason, their religious beliefs mean that they believe in very traditional gender roles… ?

      • brebay

        Exactly! Or walking up stairs, sitting on bleachers…I’d feel much more exposed in a skirt!

      • Muggle

        I’ve never understood that either! I can’t stand wearing skirts or dresses without shorts underneath. I feel so exposed. Skirt-wearers have to carry themselves in a very different way to avoid flashing everyone.

      • Mzdiana

        I was raised in a religion where women weren’t allowed to wear pants also. When I got to High School, I would leave the house in a dress get to school and change into pants. I used to hang out at the park down the street from school with friends from the same church and we’d smoke also. After a while, I got tired of sneaking around and just started wearing pants in front of my mom, she just about lost it told me how I was going to Hell and all. I refused to be a hypocrite and just stopped going to church. I can honestly say that it was a cult not a religion. I see some of the people that practice that religion around town, and they’ve changed their standards some, like the women will trim their hair, pluck their eyebrows, wear lip gloss, but yet they’re still wearing the long skirts and they must watch TV now, because they all dress like the Duggar’s in long denim skirts. Its funny because they’ll look at you with this Holier Than Thou attitude! I always say praise the Lord, once I get the stink eye look. I believe in God, just don’t think a person has to join a cult in order to be a better person.

      • Williwaw

        I think long narrow denim skirts were in when I was in high school, back in the Mesozoic (i.e. the pre-Duggar era), but we made sure to add some sort of leopard print or lace thingie to complete the outfit, so I guess we were still sinful. And we did sooooo much arm-grazing.

      • brebay

        Yeah, we paired that bad boy with a crop top.

    • aCongaLine

      The way those kids have been sheltered from the world scares me. What an awful way to raise kids.

    • Maria Guido

      “Jessa, Jinger, Jana and Jill.” JINGER? Oh God. How did I not know this. I feel like I’ve missed out on so many laughs.

      • Williwaw

        Out of context, I would probably read the ‘g’ as hard (i.e. to rhyme with “winger”). Also: so much denim.

      • Jenni

        OMG she used to be the best one, the one I thought had a chance of escaping. But alas….it appears that they sucked her back in.

      • brebay

        I thought Jessa would get out. On the early specials she used to talk about going to college, and being a doctor….sad…

      • Muggle

        Yeah, now all we have to hope for is the very obviously unhappy Joy, and maybe Johannah.

      • Valerie

        When I hear Jinger with a J all I think of is a male voice saying “and now, coming on stage for the first time, Jiiiiiiinger Duggarrrrr!” and obvi thumpy strip club music.

      • Williwaw

        She can wear some sort of denim bustier for the number.

      • brebay

        I know it’s pronounced “Ginger” but I always think “Ringer” when I see it. Seriously, J is the most common first letter for given names in the U.S. and they had to go take a “G” name?

    • K Jones

      There is something ironic about a Duggar child calling anyone else abnormal.

    • Valerie

      I wonder how much Playboy would pay them to do a pictorial together?

      • brebay

        billions. like. billions. Then God would probably speak to Jim Bob giving him some divine justification for letting them do it. “Think of all the souls we could reach…”

    • FemelleChevalier

      I remember my dad telling me this: “Raising a kid is like holding an egg. If your hold is too tight, it’ll break in your hand. But if it’s too loose, it’ll fall instead and break on the floor.”

      I was like: “Dad, leave me alone. I just want to eat some hard-boiled eggs in peace.”

      Then he added: “And hard-boiled eggs signifies the child’s maturity. Because even if the parent’s hold is too tight or too loose, the egg won’t break easily.”

      Then I found out he just wanted some hard-boiled eggs, so I just made an omelette instead.

      • Williwaw

        Are you sure you’re not secretly Jack Handey?

    • brebay

      You don’t know how badly I want one of these kids to be gay…come on, one out of nineteen….please!!!

      • Valerie

        And not just gay. Like, Nathan Lane in The Birdcage gay.

      • Psych Student

        A thousand time yes to that!

    • Alove12222

      I work with a family like this. JUST like this. The dad is a pastor, and they have like 100000 kids, except most are adopted from around the world. Its like he is training his own little army. They wear skirts like this, and old school plyg hair styles. And one day the Dad was talking to me about how “courting” is so much better then dating. Was strange.
      OH and ones we were both going to the airport at the exact same time, and I asked him for a ride (airport is 1.5 hours away) and told him I would pay for half the gas, he said no because he didnt want to give people the wrong idea. Um. I guess with these kind of people you dont need to rub arms..just sit in the same vehicle…

    • Aldonza

      Wait, Jinger? I’ve never seen the show. Is that Jinger like Jingle Bells or Jinger like Ginger?

      • CW

        All 19 kids + the stillborn baby have/had names beginning with “J”. Now why Jim Bob and Michelle chose “Jinger” yet haven’t had a Julie/Julia/Juliette is beyond me…

    • KT

      This is so rude and intolerant

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    • Peter J. Stanton

      Another member of the Jewish left mocking Christians. How typical. Now what if I mocked your Bat Mitzvah? I’ve seen the show. The family seems well adjusted and happy but you just can’t STAND the RR can you. What an intolerant bigot.

    • RCIAG

      We all know why they wear those skirts. Come on ladies, we all know that skirts make us a little more “accessible” than pants amirite?!?!

      Just flip that skirt up, pull those panties down (if you’re wearing any in the first place), bend us over a sofa & BOOM! HAVE AT IT!!

      If they thought about it, pants would actually HELP them in their fight against temptation because it would slow those boys down! The girls would have to take off their shoes, then their pants, then their undies & by then the thrill would be gone.

      I often wonder what they think about men in kilts? Would they have told all those dudes in Braveheart to put on some pants & be real men?

    • sylar

      Remember.. The mother has had 19 children.. So they are teaching them Early On.. Wear Skirts because it’s much quicker and easier to spread your legs to breed just like mommy does and of course denim is much more rugged when your laying on your back all the time.

    • TRUTH2014

      No need to be using abusive language like this!

    • DLB

      I generally quite like the Duggars but am currently going through the stories about them laughing out loud to myself-keep it up!
      Also, that is a lot of denim, I had never noticed.

    • Rachel Ross-Bates

      I am by no means an angel but it truly disturbs me so many people diss on the Duggars for actually having a moral guide line in their lives just shows how truly disturbing our society has become.