Hello and welcome to Justin Bieber’s last day as a 19-year-old. Tomorrow he will turn 20 years old and the following arguments will be rendered invalid (not that they were ever valid in the first place): “Give the kid a break, he’s only 19,” “Stop hating on him, he’s just a teenager,” and “He’s not even 20, let him make his mistakes.” Just wanted to make that clear to everyone.
In order to properly commemorate this milestone in a young douchebag’s life, we must look back on the many, many, many horrible things Justin got away with because he was a teenager. The best way to do that is with a quiz that will make you feel one of two emotions when you’re done with it, depending on your results. You will either glow with pride that you got all of them wrong and therefore have spent your time doing important things like eating food and being with other humans, instead of following Justin Bieber’s every move. Or you will curl up in a ball in the corner of the room feeling overwhelming shame that you know so much about Justin Bieber’s life. It’s possibly the only quiz in existence where failing will make you feel like more of a success.
Here’s how the quiz works. At this point, Bieber has gotten so many scandals under his belt in a few short years that it’s easier to just name the things he hasn’t done. So for each question you’ll see two things he has done (allegedly or for certain) and one thing he hasn’t. You’ll be challenged to name the one he hasn’t. It’s kind of like “two truths and a lie,” except it’s very likely that in a few years all these options will be truths. He’s only 20; he’s got plenty of time to catch ‘em all.
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Which animal didn’t Justin Bieber abandon (yet)?
A. Hamster B. Puppy C. Monkey
The answer is B. Puppy. Justin Bieber recently bought a puppy, but as far as we know he hasn’t left it in Germany or handed it off to a fan.
(Photo: Judy Eddy/WENN.com)
Where didn’t Justin Bieber pee (that we know of)?
A. His neighbor's porch B. The snow C. A mop bucket
The answer is A. His neighbor’s porch. Bieber has certainly done plenty to offend his neighbors, like throw eggs at them and drive too fast, but no one’s complained that he relieved himself on their doorstep… yet.
Which “Lil” doesn’t Justin Bieber hang out with?
A. Lil Za B. Lil Poison C. Lil Twist
The answer is B. Lil Poison. He’s not even a rapper, but rather a professional video gamer.
(Photo: Manuel Munoz/PacificCoastNews.com)
Who in Justin Bieber’s entourage didn’t recently get arrested?
A. Security guard B. Driver C. Manager
The answer is C. Manager. His security guard and driver were recently arrested on suspicion of stealing a photographer’s camera.
(Photo: Devon Byrd, PacificCoastNews.com)
What country hasn’t Justin Bieber graffitied?
A. Netherlands B. Brazil C. Australia
The answer is A. The Netherlands. He talked about Anne Frank being a Belieber while he was there, but as far as we know didn’t graffiti.
What Victoria’s Secret angel has Justin Bieber not been romantically linked to?
A. Miranda Kerr B. Lily Aldridge C. Barbara Palvin
The answer is B. Lily Aldridge, who is married to rocker Anthony Caleb Followill.
Who hasn’t Justin Bieber allegedly spat on?
A. His neighbor B. A photographer C. His fans
The answer is B. A photographer. That we know of.
What hasn’t Justin Bieber allegedly done on a Segway?
A. Get naked B. Date Selena Gomez C. Smoke pot
The answer is A. Get naked. He chose to do that behind a guitar.
Who hasn’t had a Twitter feud with Bieber?
A. Drake Bell B. Patrick Carney C. Joe Jonas
The answer is C. Joe Jonas. There’s still time, of course.
You can reach this post's author, Jill O’Rourke, on twitter.