You know what job Kris Jenner should get once her kids are too old to be
managed momagered momaged? Pledgemaster. Like the person in charge of hazing for a sorority or a fraternity. She could take the world by storm.
After all, she already has so much experience with her own kids! Where other moms might use a tasteful nurture to get their kids to turn out how they’d like, Kris has always been more of a fan of the bullying tactic, and there’s no one who knows that better than Rob Kardashian. Actually, Khloe Kardashian probably knows it better than he does, but today we’re talking about Rob.
Oh, Rob. Rob Rob Rob. I’d love to put a recent picture of the poor guy in this post, but all of the photo outlets we use come to a hard stop at May 2013. Not even a single peep out of him since then, so Kris must keep him tucked away under lock and key. I’m honestly surprised that when you Google him, it doesn’t come up with a GIF of Kris Jenner waggling her finger and saying, “I bet you meant Kim!”
Because the thing is, Rob is 260 pounds now. He started putting on weight after Rita Ora allegedly cheated on him and the two of them broke up, and he never really stopped. Even with Kris’
best worst efforts, which include yelling at him, ignoring him, sending him to fat camp, and making him start selling something so he wasn’t just a drain on the brand — he picked socks — he’s still stumping around as miserable as ever, having lost little to no weight.
But now Kris has a new tactic — threatening. According to sources, she’s told Rob he needs to lose a ton of weight before Kim’s wedding, OR ELSE.
“Rob hates gyms, but he’s under strict orders from Kris to lose 70lbs before Kim’s wedding to Kanye West this summer. Rob figured that getting his stomach stapled is the only way to meet Kris’ deadline.”
Um, YEAH. There’s no way a human being can lose seventy pounds in a matter of months without doing something drastic like surgery or The Biggest Loser or whatever.
“Rob is fatter than ever, and Kris finally flat out told him he’s an embarrassment to the family. She called him a fat slob and said he’s losing out on business opportunities because no one wants someone as huge as him representing their products. She’s told him that if he wants to continue to be an active part of their family, he’s going to attend a camp and lose the weight once and for all.”
Man. Have I mentioned yet today how glad I am not to be a member of this family? Cripes.
(Photo: Joel Ginsburg / WENN.com)