Have you set aside time to feel bad for Robin Thicke yet today? After all, his marriage to Paula Patton is ending, and I’m sure he’s just as blindsided by the divorce as the rest of us are. But sometimes cheating on your wife after she ruins your marriage by having a baby just happens, y’know? WHAT’S A FELLA TO DO.
I doubt I even need to mention this, but this is probably a good moment to remind you guys that Robin did absolutely everything he could in order to hold things together with Paula. He filmed the controversial video for ‘Blurred Lines’, ground his crotch around on Miley Cyrus‘ gyrating ass at the 2013 VMAs, was photographed grabbing the ass of a woman totally not his wife…and took responsibility for exactly none of it. All things that are traditionally known to revive a flailing marriage, but none of them worked. And you know why? Because this marriage was ruined the minute Paula Patton hatched a baby in the middle of it.
Here’s what Robin told People when he was at Art Basel in 2011, a year after their son Julian Fuego Thicke was born. (Look! The word fire! Right in the middle of his name! That baby was always a powder keg and should take full blame!)
“[Having a baby] changed everything. It was tough at first. She was stressed. I took time off. I lost my mojo. After a while, we hit our rhythm and we are more in love and supportive than ever.”
Ugh, WHY would Paula do that to him? HE HAD TO TAKE TIME OF WORK FOR YOU? Unbelievable. Doesn’t she realize that if you take your husband’s mojo by making someone else in the relationship more important than him, he’ll have to go away on a spirit quest to find said mojo again? And that the first place to check for it when meeting a new female is under and around her lady parts? You walked right into this one.
And he continues:
“It was hard when we became parents, because we had to balance our careers with this new person in our lives.”
No. No no no no no no. I can’t even believe what I’m reading. You must never ask a man to balance anything, as his only priorities should be money, his career, and putting his penis into penis-shaped holes. I mean what were you thinking, girl?
Just be grateful that in a few short years, Julian will be old enough to understand that this is all his fault. MARRIAGE + BABIES – MOJO = BLURRED LINES.
(Photo: Adriana M. Barraza / WENN.com)