If Harry Potter got blackout drunk one night and drew a self-portrait, the result would be Divergent. Which is why I’m so incredibly excited to see it when it premieres in March! As someone who’s still going through Harry Potter withdrawal, this knock-off franchise starring Shailene Woodley and Theo James is just what I need. The two actors play Tris and Four, star-crossed lovers brought together by a revolution. Alright fiinne, there’s a dash of Hunger Games in here too. What can I say? Divergent author Veronica Roth only read the finest literature around.
For those of you who don’t regularly read books written for tweenagers, let me fill you in on the plot. Tris (Harry Potter) and Four (Ron + Hermione) lives in a dystopian world where the entire society’s divided up into five different communities — Erudite (Ravenclaw), Abnegation (Hufflepuff), Amity (Also Hufflepuff), Dauntless (Gryffindor) and Candor (Slytherin). Upon turning 16, everyone gets assigned to a community. Except for those who are divergent…dun, dun, dun. They have qualities of more than community — and therefore belong everywhere and nowhere. Obviously Tris is divergent. Because draaammmaa. While I don’t want to spoil the entire plot for you, I will say that Tris and Four kiss. On the lips!
Which brings us to the interview Shailene Woodley did with People. While I’m sure she says plenty of stuff, the part we’re going to focus on today is all about her kiss with Theo James. Because Hollywood Law clearly states that every time two actors portray lovers in a movie targeted for teens, they must talk about it like it’s real love. (See Chapter 3: Joshifer for a more in-depth example on how this works. See Chapter 19: Robsten for an in-depth example of what happens when this gets taken too far.)
So with no further ado, I present Shaio Joodly. Or Thailene Wames.
“He’s an incredibly masculine man with a beautiful soulful heart – and he was a great kisser.”
See that right there? That’s the Divergent publicity team hard at work. First comes casting, then comes filming, then comes manipulating the hearts and souls of young teenage girls who want to desperately believe that the fictional characters they read about are real. Or as I like to call it, a fictional fauxmance.