• Mon, Feb 24 - 10:08 am ET

18 Quotes From Alec Baldwin’s Essay Where He Tries To Play The Victim

Alec Baldwin attending Big Game Big Give dinner February 2014In case you’ve been sitting around wondering if Alec Baldwin has learned his lesson, I’ve got some bad news for you — he hasn’t.

He wrote something for Vulture that’s somewhere between an open letter, a rant, and a diatribe, and in it he systematically goes through everything he’s done in the past twelve months that’s been labeled as inappropriate or offensive in some way…and explains how it’s not his fault. That heactually the victim. Charming.

So to save you from spending one more moment laboring under the delusion that Alec feels responsible for his own actions or that there might be a genuine apology buried somewhere in this manifesto, I’ve collected all the quotes that prove otherwise. Maybe this will teach you not to force Alec to say such homophobic things.

1. “I flew to Hawaii recently to shoot a film, fresh on the heels of being labeled a homophobic bigot by Andrew Sullivan, Anderson Cooper, and others in the Gay Department of Justice.”

Yeah, can you imagine being labeled as something you aren’t? Like a member of the Gay Department of Justice?

2. “One young man, an F-to-M tranny, said, “Are you here to get dry-cleaned, like Brett Ratner?” Meaning I could do some mea culpa, write them a six-figure check, go to a dinner, sob at the table, give a heartfelt speech, beg for forgiveness. I thought to myself: Beg for forgiveness for something I didn’t do?”

Thank goodness we’re all still using the word ‘tranny’. Great job learning about the LGBT culture so far, Alec.

3. “I’ve read where a number of people have felt that 2013 was a shitty year. For me, it was actually a great year, because my wife and I had a baby. But, yeah, everything else was pretty awful.”

Sounds pretty rough.

4. “I know there’s an impression that I’m someone who seeks to have violent confrontations with people. I don’t.”

Well that clears that up.

5. (On 30 Rock): “I’ll never laugh that way again. And I miss that show terribly. I know we all had to move on because it’s Tina Fey’s show and Tina had worked herself to death. She’s a mom with two kids. Eventually, it had to end. But I’ll never have it that good again, professionally.”

So selfish of Tina to put her family before your career.

6. (On Shia LaBeouf): “I took the stage manager, with Sullivan, to another room, and I said one of us is going to go. I said, “I’ll tell you what, I’ll go.” I said don’t fire the kid, I’ll quit. They said no, no, no, no, and they fired him.”

You can’t have it both ways. Either you wanted him fired or you didn’t. I don’t buy that you offered to fall on your sword for him.

7. (On the play Orphans): “I don’t think Sullivan liked the play—I don’t think he liked me. Sullivan agreed to do something that, once he realized what it was, he had lost interest in it. We closed early.”

He closed it early to spite you!!!!

8. “I never wanted to be on MSNBC.”

Well that works out nicely, because now you’re not.

9. “I watched MSNBC, prior to working there, very sporadically. Once I had signed a contract with them, I wanted to see more of what they were about. It turned out to be the same shit all day long.”

How do those sour grapes taste?

10. “MSNBC assigned a producer to me, Jonathan Larsen. Like Sullivan with Orphans, Larsen didn’t get me or the show and didn’t want to be there.”

I’m starting to sense a pattern.

11. (On the reporter that he called ‘a toxic little queen’): “A journalist isn’t supposed to write a lie about you. If he was in New York, I might have had the impulse to beat the shit out of the guy.”

Thanks for your…restraint?

12. (On TMZ’s Harvey Levin): “He’s also the one who revealed the tape that my ex-wife’s lawyers provided of me yelling at my daughter seven years ago. Knowing that none of it would have transpired if I hadn’t left the message in the first place, I think he hurt my daughter more than anyone.”

Yes, I’m sure Ireland Baldwin was much more upset at a website than she was with her father for calling her a ‘rude, thoughtless little pig’.

13. (On his MSNBC show again): “Another source told me, “You know who’s going to get you fired, don’t you? Rachel. Phil will do whatever Rachel tells him to do.” I think Rachel Maddow is quite good at what she does. I also think she’s a phony who doesn’t have the same passion for the truth off-camera that she seems to have on the air.”

You gotta get your story straight about whose fault this is, dude.

14. “I’m aware that it’s ironic that I’m making this case in the media—but this is the last time I’m going to talk about my personal life in an American publication ever again.”

Challenge.

15. “There was a time the entire world didn’t have a camera in their pocket—the first thing that cell phones did was to kill the autograph business. Nobody cares about your autograph.”

:(

16. “I did not have a happy family life a few years ago. I was divorced and I was very alienated from my daughter. [...] I didn’t have a family to go home to. Now I don’t want to be Mr. Show Business anymore. I want the same thing everybody else wants. I want a happy home, and for the first time in my adult life, I have one. I love my wife more than anything in the world and I love my child more than anything else in the world and I don’t want that to change in any way.”

Ireland will be so thrilled to hear all of this.

17. “I probably have to move out of New York. I just can’t live in New York anymore.”

Is that a threat or a promise?

18. “It’s good-bye to public life in the way that you try to communicate with an audience playfully like we’re friends, beyond the work you are actually paid for. Letterman. Saturday Night Live. That kind of thing. I want to go make a movie and be very present for that and give it everything I have, and after we’re done, then the rest of the time is mine. I started out as an actor, where you seek to understand yourself using the words of great writers and collaborating with other creative people. Then I slid into show business, where you seek only an audience’s approval, whether you deserve it or not. I think I want to go back to being an actor now.”

Um…what? I have no doubt that this is my fault — but what are you even saying?

Want more Baldwin? Click here for a round-up from our sister site of all the homophobic things he said…in the very same interview!

(Photo: Ivan Nikolov / WENN.com)

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  • elle

    Do you pinkie promise this will be the last time you talk about your personal life in public? I hope so. As for all those MSNBC quotes I honestly have no words. You didn’t wristwatch the channel/know what it was about but you still signed a contract anyway? Make $ense. Also its a news channel, of course it’s the same shit all day. And since it had to be either Ireland or Kim who leaked the message I’m guessing they were angry with you not TMZ. Seriously Alex please just stop talking.

    • elle

      Alec

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Yeah he’s…only getting finer with age.

    • Kelly17

      He’s saying that TMZ should hold some responsibility for releasing it. It would have hurt her a lot less if it remained a family matter and not nationwide. No ones forcing you to read future articles about him, they really are fairly easy to ignore.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      TMZ didn’t release it, that was allegedly done by Kim Basinger’s legal team. All they did was publish it.

    • Kelly17

      Sorry I should have more specific with my words

  • julesgilead

    He loves nothing more than his CHILD? The man has two daughters, and I can’t imagine how hurtful a statement like that would be to poor Ireland. That kind of blatant selfishness really boggles the mind.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      I know! Isn’t that crazy?