A Florida prosecutor has reportedly offered Justin Bieber a plea deal so he can avoid jail time, because jail is like, so lame. Way more lame than egging houses and drag racing under the influence, you know? If Bieber accepts the plea deal, it means he also has to accept that he was driving recklessly and would have to install a breathalyzer ignition device in his car. Which means no more underage drinksies before driving the Ferrari! Sad face.
He’ll also have to pass random drug tests for six to nine months, so all that hot boxes planes nonsense will just have to be put on hold for awhile. The Florida court system will also have to know where Bieber is and what he’s doing at all times. Much as I would love to see him behind bars (mostly because he deserves it and needs it, partly because it would just tickle me pink), I kind of love it that these restrictions are bound to make him absolutely miserable for most of 2014. Can you imagine his phone conversations with the Miami police when his tracking device alerts them to his whereabouts? “Oh yeah, I’m just picking up some eggs… to… eat, yeah. Eat. What’s that sound, you ask? No, I’m totally done with peeing in buckets. I’m just hanging out at a water fountain and it’s really loud.”
He better get used to it, because if he rejects the plea deal he could absolutely find himself in jail. And, since we’re not talking about the Hollywood prisons that Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton frequent, I doubt he’d be released early due to “overcrowding.” Something tells me people will find any reason they can to keep him behind bars for awhile, if only to perfect his pouty face. Take the deal, Justin! Mama Obama would want you to.