I hate Elizabeth Olsen. But only because I’m jealous of the fact that she got the opportunity to grow up in Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen’s shadow. I would’ve killed to be their little sister. Not only would you get all the juicy deets from the sets of their movies (like what it was like to kiss a hawt boy while riding on a moped in a foreign country), but you’d also have access to John Stamos’ phone number. After Lizzie’s interview from last night’s Watch What Happens Live, I only hate her more. And you will too after you hear what she said in response to a caller with a wildly inappropriate question.
But before we get to the question, let me set the scene for you: Elizabeth Olsen is in one chair. Andy Cohen is in another chair. Okay the scene is set. I think you have a clear vision now. The phone rings. It’s a monster. No worse than a monster! An internet commenter. You know the type. This “woman” rudely asks which sister Elizabeth likes better. And rather than refraining from the answering the question and responding that she’s completely out of line, Elizabeth just goes ahead and says she likes Ashley better. Because Ashley remembered her birthday and Mary-Kate didn’t — not that she’s upset with Mary-Kate, it’s just that…she trails off. I think. I threw my computer out the window in protest mid-answer, so honestly I’m not sure what happens next.
Well besides the obvious — which is that Mary-Kate suddenly appeared in the studio looking like this:
And muttering ancient curses like “you’re doomed to a life of listening to Joey Gladstone’s stand-up routine” and “every time someone on the internet questions why the identical girls in It Takes Two look alike but are never explained to be twins separated at birth, you’ll die a thousand deaths” and finally, “forget your family discount for The Row.”
After all, isn’t it enough that the twins tragically lost their mother in every movie and TV show they ever made? Must they now deal with their little sister trying to divide their family further by naming her favorite Olsen twin? I say no. I’ll also take that a step further and say that they should deal with her the same way they dealt with their pesky brother back in the early ’90s – by putting her up for sale for only 50 cents.