There’s no doubt that Matthew McConaughey deserves his Best Actor Oscar nomination for his role as Ron Woodroof in Dallas Buyers Club. There’s also no doubt that he deserves to be made fun of for almost every single movie he did before Dallas Buyers Club. Because as you might recall (or as you might witness on TV every weekend), the acclaimed actor starred in a whole bunch of not-so-good movies before 2013. Okay, fine, I’m being unfair. He started his transformation from Rom-Com King to Oscar Nominee back in 2011 when he starred in The Lincoln Lawyer. But he didn’t get taken seriously until Mud, which approximately 6 people in America saw. So I think it’s fair to say that for the majority of us, it’s pretty interesting to see this guy:
turn into this guy:
So in honor of the upcoming Academy Awards and in honor of Matthew McConaughey’s amazing transformation in Dallas Buyers Club as well as in his career, I present to you his worst movies ranked. And by worst, I do mean best. I know I’m not the only lady who spends her weekends watching these movies over and over.
Despite being an earnest attempt at transitioning to serious movies, I have to say this is Matthew McConaughey’s worst movie ever. And not in the “so bad that it’s good way,” just the “so bad, I want my money and time and brain space back” way. May we one day develop the technology to scrub out my memory of Nicole Kidman peeing on Zac Efron.
Ghosts of Girlfriend’s Past
Raise your hand if you asked for a modern day remake of The Christmas Carol starring Jennifer Garner. Oh that’s weird. NO ONE IS RAISING THEIR HAND. But yet, this movie still got made. Fun fact: Emma Stone starred as one of the girlfriend ghosts. Even more fun fact: this is a real movie.
A poor man’s Truman Show. But with Ellen as an important TV executive, so I have to toss it some brownie points. Also, fine, I’ll admit that it’s kinda cute that America once though a movie about a man over-sharing on a reality show was an interesting plot within itself.
Failure to Launch
Here’s a parenting tip for anyone who has a son with a dead fiance: try talking to your clinically depressed son about what’s stopping him from moving out of the house before you go ahead and hire a fake girlfriend to convince him to move out. Sure I’ve never been a parent, but I have been a human being for enough years to know that this is the better approach.
It wouldn’t be an ’00s rom-com round-up without a Kate Hudson shout-out. Best part of this movie? The writers came up with a plot where it made sense for Matty to be shirtless the entire time. Can I get a hubba, hubba? Then can I get a promise from you that you’ll never tell anyone that I just said hubba hubba.
The Wedding Planner
Guy meets girl. Guy asks girl to marry him. Guy meets another girl. Guy consults with his penis. Guy chooses the other girl. It’s your basic love story. Give or take the part where the guy doesn’t bang his wedding planner.
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Also known as that movie where high-powered executives ask their employees to perform inane tasks to prove their worth. Can we get an HR rep up in here please? No seriously, how is this in any way ethical?
Angels in the Outfield
Sorry I’m not sorry that I like a little religion in my children’s sports movies. Also I can’t be the only one who agrees to things that I don’t want to do by promising that I’ll follow through when the Angels win the pennant.
BEST. MOVIE. EVER.