Well, well, well. What do we have here? Apparently, Britney Spears mega-fan Nicole Richie attended Britney Spears’ Piece of Me concert in Vegas and was forced to crawl around onstage like a sensual puppy. And I KNOW that you need a moment to catch your breath after that sentence, but guess what, the most bizarre party ever didn’t stop there. My very confused brain may have wished that it did, so that I could at least maintain an idea of the way the world is meant to work. But oh no, it did not.
I’ll have you know that Nicole was also wearing fur sleeves (to complete the illusion, duh) and a studded leash that was attached to a body harness straight out of the sex dungeon in Fifty Shades of Grey. Also, Britney was the one at the other end of the leash, but not before Britney’s dancers gave Nicole the “down girl!” command and pushed her tail down. They made sure to be gentle but firm so that Nicole would understand that, even though they love her, they mean business. How else will she ever learn that, when her master and lesser-masters are wearing their fancy latex-leather-lace outfits and bring her in front of guests, she needs to sit when she’s told to?? Here’s the video of that weirdness and much more.
In all honesty, I think the oddest part of this for me, a dog person, is that there’s no way that Britney is holding that leash tightly enough. Do you know how easy it’d be for Nicole Ruffie to get loose with that kind of leash management? Pet owners these days, am I right or am I right? Also, as a human person, I’ve just now realized that I haven’t been doing nearly enough to show how much I love my favorite musicians. Sometimes spending money on their music? Sure, all the time. Cheering at their concerts? Yes, duh. Getting down on all fours so they can walk me? No, I’m the worst fan ever.