It’s no secret that Taylor Swift takes getting her daily dose of attention more seriously than anyone, even those of us who take our vitamins in the chewy, fruity form. I’m surprised she doesn’t have her own reality show so she could broadcast even more of the mundane things she does that she thinks are worth watching, like getting a non-exciting hair cut in front of a crowd of people. Then she wouldn’t have to post it to Instagram, it’d be on everyone’s DVR! But I must admit, the latest Taylor-centric news piqued even my interest. Taylor’s virginity, which was long ago concluded to have disappeared in John Mayer’s den of depravity, was actually taken by Jake Gyllenhaal.
This news is surprising for a number of reasons. Firstly, Taylor dated infamous womanizer John Mayer and didn’t bend to his seductive powers of fedoras and douchebaggery? Stronger women than Taylor have caved to that before! Secondly, Taylor lost her v-card to someone – a celebrity, no less – and didn’t write a song about it?!
Taylor is notorious of expressing her feelings in her songs. Usually this means poignant stabs at ex-boyfriends who somehow or another wronged her. John and Jake are no exception. We analyzed “Red” after it came out and they were both heavily featured in the you-broke-my-heart theme of the album. Jake has been attributed as the subject of “The Moment I Knew,” which Radar Online explains tells the tale of Jake bailing on Taylor’s 21st birthday party. Taylor is not one for subtlety. Listen to “The Moment I Knew,” it’s not difficult to make the connection between Jake and Taylor’s birthday. What Radar Online is also claiming is that shortly before the momentous birthday disaster, the couple began sleeping together.
My immediate reaction is one of skepticism. If she really didn’t sleep with John Mayer, what’s with all her angst towards him? And if she really did sleep with Jake, why isn’t there a song called “I Lost My Virginity And Now I Can’t Find Myself,” filled with a chorus of “last night you said it’d be okay, but where are you today?” or something? As I said, Taylor’s not one for subtlety, but “The Moment I Knew” makes no explicit references to sex. Also, as attention-obsessed as Taylor is, how did she keep this under wraps for so long? If it’s true, and she was as devastated by it that the source claims she is, I’m sorry for her. Then again, it’s hard to feel sorry for someone who turns every heartache she suffers into a popular song. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a song on her next album about thinking “Red” won Album of the Year at the Grammys. Until Jake or Taylor come forward personally about the alleged exchange of the v-card, I’m just going to continue assuming Taylor’s virginity is in its rightful place, framed in a place of honor above John Mayer’s bed.