• Fri, Feb 14 - 11:15 am ET

Michelle Duggar’s Secret To A Happy Marriage Is Being Ready For Sex 24/7, Bonus If You Actually Want It

Michelle Duggar Jim Bob Duggar Kissing,jpgDo you know what Michelle Duggar’s body and your local 7-11 have in common? They’re both open for business 24/7! Do you know what else Michelle Duggar’s body and your local 7-11 also have in common? They’re both filled with slim Jim(Bob)s. Yes, yes, hold your applause, I’ll be here alllllll week.

In a recent interview with TODAY Moms, Michelle Duggar offered up the following advice for having a happy marriage. It’s a lot, so we’re going to break it down bit by bit so we can properly discuss it.

“Michelle says a friend gave her advice to live by before she and Jim Bob married in 1984: “She said, ‘In your marriage there will be times you’re going to be very exhausted.”

Okay, I’m following. Life can be exhausting. I’m not married and I still occasionally (nightly) find myself exhausted. I’m digging this so far. We’re on the same page.

Your hubby comes home after a hard day’s work, you get the baby to bed, and he is going to be looking forward to that time with you.’”

Sometimes your hubby will be exhausted too. Because while you spent the day raising children playing peek-a-boo, he went to work. Work? That’s a place men go to do manly things like fish and chew tobacco. Actually, to be honest, I don’t know what they do there. I’ve never been. Too much to do at home –those daughters don’t body shame themselves!

 ”‘Be available. Anyone can fix him lunch, but only one person can meet that physical need of love that he has…”

Physical need of love? Hugs? Cuddles? Hugs and cuddles with a side of tickles? Oh wait, I see where this is going. She’s talking about s-e-x.

“…and you always need to be available when he calls.’”

Oh not just sex, but sex on his schedule! Oh how fabulous! For his penis!

“Hello Michelle, this is Jim Bob’s Slim Jim (Bob) and I wanted to let you know that I’ll be over in a jiffy. But first, wanted to make sure that damn baby’s asleep. Nothing’s kills the mood faster than a baby. Also Jim Bob wanted me to ask you, where did you get that baby? Where do they all keep coming from? You know what, don’t answer, I love the surprise every 9 months!”

So there you have it! The secret to a happy marriage is putting aside all of your needs so that your husband’s needs can be met. And if your needs happen to overlap one night, think of it as a bonus!

(Photo: Today)

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  • Valerie

    These people give me a serious case of the douchechills.

    • Jenni

      Take 2 advil and call me in the morning.

    • Valerie

      I better stay indoors- I think they’re catching.

  • J_Doe5686

    Ok, if it’s on his schedule he can do whatever he wants down there as long as he doesn’t wake me up ’cause I’m exhausted. LOL Anyways, I see many divorces in my future if that’s the key to a long marriage.

  • Kay_Sue

    My marriage is so fucked. And here I had deluded myself into thinking we were living in a happy and healthy relationship built on mutual respect!

    • Jenni

      Mutual? You must be a feminist womyn.

    • TRUTH2014

      Stooping low again to drop the “F”bomb – anything but impressive!

    • Kay_Sue

      Meh. Go fuck yourself. :)

  • Not a parent. MockMyInsights.

    This is horrible advice and for the record there’s nothing biblical about it. (Sorry want to quad those Christians are suck quacks comments now)

  • Guest

    No wonder the woman has 20 kids! Yikes!!!

    But what an archaic view, never say no – only for fear your husband might stray ! – what a sad joke!

    • NYCNanny

      I don’t think that’s what they’re saying. I think her point was that sexual contact is important in a marriage. (Truth.) For monogamous couples (like them), sex is one of the only things only a husband and wife share. (Again, truth.)
      The only weird part of her comment was the “you NEED to be available…..” Umm, kinda. You obviously don’t NEED to do anything you don’t want to, but hopefully you want to f**** your hubby on a regular basis. And hopefully, if you’re really tired or sick or busy, he’ll be ok with no sex for a while.

    • Jenni

      I think people are having problems with that one teensy, tiny weird part where she implied that you should never say no to sex. No one is going to disagree with the fact that on a day to day basis you should be sexually attracted to your spouse.

  • NYCNanny

    Sorry, but I don’t think this advice is crazy. A bit old fashioned, maybe, but not wrong. I’m pretty much against everything the Duggers stand for, but there’s something weirdly endearing about them. I like their family. Michelle and Doug actually really seem to be in love, so good for them. Stop hating!

    • Mindy

      Who is Doug?

    • NYCNanny

      Oops. Hubbie…Jim bob.

  • koolchicken

    While I’m by no means a Dugger fan I have to say I agree with her. I do think you should turn your husband down if you’re well and truly beat, or ill. But if he cares for you at all he probably isn’t begging for sex while you’re half asleep or coughing up a lung.

    Sex is important to a marriage though and time should be made for it. If you don’t think you’ll fall asleep halfway through I say try. Too often it gets pushed to the wayside because we’re “too busy”. Really, too busy to do something for your marriage? Will you have time for couples counseling? Cause that’s what happens when you stop sleeping with your spouse.

    Now for the record I do NOT have sex with my husband every time he asks for it. But I unless I feel as though I really can’t, I try. Anyone can get in the mood if they make the effort. It’s good for us to have that time as a couple. It ensures we don’t start drifting apart. And it sure beats the hell out of excercising…

    • Jenni

      If he doesn’t feel like it but isn’t coughing up a lung and you really want it, does he try?

    • koolchicken

      As a matter of fact he does. I think that says a lot considering he used to work 24-48 hour shifts and now does 12 hour ones. 7am-7pm and vice versa, and he never gets to sleep on the night ones. When he was working the longer shifts he sometimes got rest, but it certainly wasn’t enough so he’d be half dead when he was home the next day.

      So we both make an effort, and we try to be respectful of the needs of the other. Whether or not those needs are more sex or none. When it was just too painful after my son he was so good about being hands off, BUT I still made an effort to remember him in “other” ways. Because sex is important to married life, and for many it’s the reason they got married. To decide you just don’t feel like it every time your spouse asks just isn’t fair.

  • MCR

    Re: having to be on hand because “those daughters don’t body-shame themselves.” I’m not so sure about that. Even without a mother’s guidance, the media does a decent job. It takes a village.

    • Jenni

      Touche.

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  • TRUTH2014

    Is this REALLY confused with humor! PATHETIC view from this writer not to mention offensive!!