I envy some women, y’know? Not in that I’d want to trade lives with them or anything, but just that they seem to have much better instincts than I do. Like take Cameron Diaz for instance. There’s a lovely woman. Someone at some point taught her a lot of things that ladies were meant to be taught, THAT I NEVER LEARNED. Like how to express your surprise daintily, like a polite human being, instead of in a loud bellowing HONK, which is what normally comes out of my mouth.
Let me explain. Cameron went on The Ellen Show in an episode airing today, to talk about the fact that it’s been twenty years since her first movie, which was The Mask. Twenty years. That’s complete insanity to me. But whatever. She’s sitting there, and since Ellen didn’t hide in Cameron’s dressing room or ask her to put something in her ear and embarrass herself yet, you know that there’s still a scare coming. There has to be. We know Ellen too well at this point to think that there wouldn’t be one.
And here it comes, right as I’m noticing how someone also taught Cameron how to curl her hair in a way that doesn’t look like she’s going to the junior prom, and to sit in a chair in a way that doesn’t look like she should have a beer open on her belly. Honestly was I raised by wolves? What’s wrong with me. But as she’s tossing her head and being charming and charismatic and just generally lovely to be around, a hulking figure in a Mask mask like the one Jim Carrey wore, sneaks up behind her and shoves his face in her face.
It’s an either/or situation, but safe to say our approaches are a little different. And yet…both equally hilarious. Kudos, Ellen. As always.