— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) February 10, 2014
Another day, another photo of Katy Perry groping Anna Kendrick’s boobs. In a completely friendly and professional way, of course! Some women greet their friends with a warm hug and some women greet their friends by gently squeezing their boob for a photo. It’s a simple and easy way to ask someone how she’s doing and what she’s feeling and what she’s thinking about all in one gesture. Sometimes I squeeze my own boob just to check in with myself. It’s like therapy — minus the co-pay. Also the help.
As we know from a recent interview on CONAN, this isn’t the first time Katy Perry’s touched Anna Kendrick’s boobs. I believe her exact words on the show last month were, “Katy Perry finger banged my cleavage, it was a weird night.” Which is traditional fratboy speak for “Katy Perry gently placed her fingers into the space between my breasts and it wasn’t quite like anything I’d experienced before at a public event. But alas, it happened.”
Personally, I think finger banged sounds a lot more fun than that translation. And dangerous. And like something that would make my mother gasp if I said it casually at the dinner table. While I personally haven’t finger banged anyone’s cleavage lately — famous or otherwise — I have finger banged a few sandwiches. Then mouth banged them. Hard. Which I’m told is not the same thing at all. I’ve also been told never to say “mouth banged” again. But there’s really no other way to express how enthusiastically I approach my meals. Dare I say it, but I think I approach them almost as enthusiastically as Katy Perry’s hand approaches Anna Kendrick’s boobs. And boom, that’s how you bring this whole thing full circle.