In case you’ve been living on another planet or in some remote part of the world, you should know that Justin Bieber is on a rapid downward spiral. He’s graduated from public urination in mop buckets to egging houses, driving recklessly, hot boxing airplanes, and just being an all-around dick. Things are looking so bleak, in fact, that Michelle Obama was asked to weigh in on the Downfall of Bieber recently. Not because she doesn’t have anything better to do, but because the “Petition to Deport Justin Bieber” has received so many signatures as of late, that it actually made its way to the White House. Which is equal parts embarrassing and amazing, in my opinion.
The First Lady offered some advice to Bieber’s mom, Pattie Mallette, from one mother to another. And none for Jeremy Bieber, because he sucks:
“I don’t know if it would be advice as much as action. I would be very present in his life right now. And I would be probably with him a good chunk of the time, just there to talk, to figure out what’s going on in his head, to figure out who’s in his life and who’s not, you know.”
Regardless of how old Justin is, he became famous when he was still very much a kid. He began acting like an insufferable jerk when he was still very much a kid, and even though he’s 19 his actions and attitude prove he is, in fact, still very much a kid. The chances of Michelle Obama’s advice falling on deaf ears is a predictable outcome, mostly because Bieber’s mom is a woman whose philosophy on parenting a child in crisis is to basically not parent them at all, and let Jesus take the wheel or something.
Well, that’s fine and dandy but Michelle Obama wants you to know if it were her kid, she’d be taking the wheel thankyouverymuch. Something tells me we’ll never have to worry about Sasha or Malia Obama throwing dairy products out of a red Ferrari, running amok up and down Pennsylvania Avenue.