8 Reasons I’m Still Not Convinced The Jonas Baby Is Real

Lauren Conrad rolling her eyes GIF(via)

As Danielle and Kevin Jonas‘ first week as parents come to a close, I thought we should take a step back and look back at how far we’ve come. After all, this time two weeks ago, we weren’t even sure the couple was going to be able to come up with a kid! There were so many rumors and pieces of evidence and blind items out there that suggested Danielle wasn’t really pregnant and that they might not be able to adopt in time that I didn’t know what was going to happen.

But as we all know, cute little Alena Rose dutifully appeared on February 2nd, 2014, so all this should be out the window, right? We’re all agreed that she did her nine months in Danielle’s belly and got squeezed out the other side and Kevin’s the one who put her there, right? Right? WRONG.

Call me crazy (some of you already have, and more of you will) but I’m actually more convinced than ever that this baby isn’t real. I mean don’t misunderstand me — I believe that the adorable creature appearing in all the Dreft-sponsored Instagrams is a flesh and blood baby, I’m just still skeptical that she’s in any way related to Kevin and Danielle. And here’s why.

Danielle jonas and her new baby Alena Rose Jonas sponsored by Dreft February 20141. Danielle got through labor sweat-free. That’s the first photo we saw of ‘mother and daughter’ together, and the only sign that anything at all unusual happened to Dani’s face that day is a smear of eyeliner. Other than that her makeup is in place, and there’s absolutely no way the hair at her temples was ever sweated in.

2. And she’s wearing earrings. Several commenters, chiefly Myndee, pointed out that some hospital rooms don’t allow jewelry other than wedding rings, and some women have said they left the jewelry off altogether in case they needed to get an emergency C-section. (Most Operating Rooms don’t allow jewelry at all.)

3. Danielle’s chart was missing some information. According to reader Dexychick, the monitor should show the baby’s Gestational Age (GA) and Estimated Due Date (EDD). Danielle’s shows neither. It also shows a birthdate different than the one listed for Danielle on Google, although people have speculated that for once, Google might be wrong.

4. Alena has really long fingernails. In a photo that Danielle’s father Bucky posted with the baby holding one of his fingers, she has one especially long fingernail that had multiple commenters going ‘yeah right’. While fingernails do grow in utero, they’re usually ‘razor thin’ as J_Doe5686 points out.

5. The baby’s skin is perfect. Every baby is different, but few are born spotless, according to commenter Ria who had one child born ‘flawless’, and then two who looked…well…a little more like they’d just been born when they were born:

“My 2nd had that millia thing with all the white pimples on his face so he didn’t look so good, my 3rd had a cone on his head from labor starting prior to the c-section, so there’s no cut and dry thing with c-section babies.”

6. Where is that blanket from? I’ve never given birth so I don’t know, but apparently the blankets they give you are pretty standard across the board. So what gives with the random one, #babyjonas? Commenter mc wants to know:

“…every hospital in the US uses the SAME white blanket with blue and pink stripes on the ends. Every newborn picture I’ve ever seen from a hospital birth, the baby is in that same blanket. Except Baby Jonas.”

7. How old is that baby? The above photo was taken on February 5th, when Alena was supposedly three days old. Interesting that they haven’t released the birth weight, huh? Maybe because in order for this all to make sense, she would’ve had to be like ten pounds.

8. The blind items. According to Blind Gossip, Alena’s parents are Filipino and Mexican, a concession that the Jonas family had to make since things got so down to the wire. I don’t know if that’s true, but if it is, I’m betting we can expect a lot of trips to the tanning salon for Danielle, and repeated statements playing up the Italian angle. Even though Kevin is as pure and white as the driven snow.

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    • WOW


      • BlindGossipIsFun

        Its really not. Go to BlindGossip.com and look at the proof they have that she was never really pregnant.

    • AugustW

      My daughter is German and Irish on my side and Italian on his side but when she came out my family was literally questioning her lineage. She was very dark and also oddly Asian looking.
      Babies look funny at at first.
      My daughter at 3 looks nothing like her newborn shots, down to a completely different hair color.
      She also had very long nails and long toenails at birth.

      • Itpainsmetosay

        My best friend also looked asian (she even had dark hair) and now she is a brown eyed blonde. So you’re not alone.

    • Lee

      1. Epidural and other various painkillers. Not all women have painful childbirths anyway. I’m sure she was we’ll taken care of anyway. She’s a fucking celebrity.

      2. Who’s going to tell a celebrity to take her earrings off. Nobody. Besides, I’m sure her various care takers had more concerns than to be a nazi over jewelry.

      3. “According to the reader….” She’s not a doctor or a L&D nurse. Google is also not a reliable source of information.

      4. Babies are actually born with very long fingernails and are usually clipped in the hospital to prevent the baby from scratching itself… Which most do anyway.

      5. Yes. All babies are different. My daughter was also born “flawless” I’ve seen many babies born we perfect skin. Also there’s this thing called photoshop.

      6. No not every hospital uses the same stupid blanket. There is no monopoly on hospital nursing blankets. That’s stupid and I actually have seen those blankets used in various hospital pictures before. They could have also brought their own expensive shit from home for all you know.

      7. Babies do not come out the same size. My daughter was born almost 9 pounds. People have 13 pound babies all the time.

      8. “According to blind gossip” are you fucking kidding me? This point doesn’t even make sense.

      • BlindGossipIsFun

        Blind Gossip is a website that posts leaked/secret info on celebs. About 2-3 months ago they had an article about Danielle and Kevin doing a photo shoot for a magazine..only problem was, Danielle wasn’t pregnant. They used fake pregnancy padding on her. A few weeks ago, the Blind Gossip page then stated everyone was starting to get nervous because no white, female baby had been born yet-they were getting close to her due date and had no real baby yet to pass off as their daughter. Blind Gossip stated (after the deliver had been announced) the biological parents were of Filipino and Mexican decent which could be hard to explain as the child grows. But they were completely out of time and had to ‘make do’ with this baby. I actually thought the claim of her pregnancy being fake was ridiculous at first…but the Blind Gossip page has a lot more info that I commented on. I’m 99% convinced she was never really pregnant.

    • CW

      I gave birth to three babies in three different hospitals and not ONE of them told me to take off my jewelery. Didn’t sweat with any of them either as I had short and relatively easy labors (3 hours, 6 hours, and 4 1/2 hours). One of the 3 (my youngest?) actually had that same style of footprint baby blanket. The Jonas’ may very well have adopted a baby, but I wouldn’t go by these pictures to tell.

    • guest

      Late babies look better. Their skin clears up in the womb. They are also more likely to have long fingernails. Neither of my children had squished faces because their birth canal trips were so short. Most babies change colors by the time they are a few weeks old. My sister’s daughter looked African American for months. Our hospital blabket has ducks on it
      It’s possible to go up to five weeks either way on the due date. I wasn’t sweaty after delivering my son because I was only on my back for a few minutes. It’s easy to bring your own things from hone including blankets. Ten lb babies are possible. And what goes on the chart depends on the hospital or machine. They had my mom’s birthday wrong, and it’s still wrong on my sister’s birth certificate.

    • Colleen Goodman-Kardisco

      Do your research before you write something so terrible about a beautiful moment is a womens life. I gave birth to my daughter in 2011 with all of my make up on, bearing severe complications during delivery as well. Some women just do not sweat! My hair looked good in photos, becuase i had a brush handy. my daughter had extremly long fingernails when she was born,and she was 2 weeks early. My daughter came out perfect! Not a scratch or blemish on her body anywhere! I asked the hospital nurse if I could have my daughter wrapped in the same blanket I was when I delivered her, which they happily said ‘yes’. The hospital where I delived had 2 monitors reading my progess, which could have very easily been the same for Danielle. As for the childs coloring my husband and i are both white, and when my daughter came out she looked like she was in the islands for a week she was so tan. Coloring in babies change within the first month, now my daughter is white as snow! The comments about her not taking the child out are stupid. Think about it, they live in NJ where they are having the coldest winter on record, I wouldn’t take my newborn out either, espeially in cold and flu season as well. I live in PA and havent gone anywhere becuse of the cold temps with my 2 yr old, i sure as hell wouldnt take my newborn. They are celebrities i am sure a home visit from their doctor is not a far strech!

      I have never commented on posts like this regarding celebrity gossip but this one just bothered me so much. Suggesting that a women did not give birth to her own child is very hurtful.Especially when you do not know what some women put themselves through to have a child.It is not easy for all women and attacking this poor girl during this special time for her is terrible!!

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Regardless of whether you disagree with me or not, you can’t deny that I did my research.

      • Colleen Goodman-Kardisco

        No research, just false statements in which i pretty much spoke about in my previous comment. Not one of you 8 reasons hold any water. Very sad that you are trying to ruin this poor girls happiness!

      • bob

        Just catty, hateful gossip. Your “work” is lazy.

    • ted3553

      I am nearly buying into the whole conspiracy theory but I do want to say that I had earrings and a ring on through my delivery and I had an epidural before I pushed and had my hair up so I wasn’t sweaty either. Some of the other points seems to be more valid however

    • Rana

      My daughter definitely was darker a week after birth bc she had jaundice that would not go away. My husband and I are pale and she was tan as they come at about a week old. She also was born with LONG fingernails. And she had great skin when she was born. And I wore jewelry. And I had that same blanket in the hospital. Not ALL hospitals have the same baby blanket. I have seen a ton of people on FB who looked that good after birth. I think most of the girls on Teen Mom looked awesome after birth too. I mean, if she knew this picture was going global I’m sure she was aware of how she looked and made sure her makeup and hair were on point.

    • Ruth

      Well, Filipino heritage is mix in itself (some look Mexican, Oriental, even Spanish), so I do think they could get away with it if they play the Italian card. BUT if the Filipino parent looks decidedly “Asian”, well, just look at most Filipino halfies ’cause that is what the kid will look like (Shay Mitchell, Vanessa Hudgens, Nicole of Pussycat Dolls, etcetera.) And if the Filipino parent is mix, then they’re lucky (look at Darren Criss).

      Best wishes to Pillow Jonas, and hope that she has a decent life ahead of her.

    • Heather

      You had me partly convinced in the beginning. But now that the baby is here, she looks so much like Danielle and her sister Katie, especially. I think there may be the possibility they used a surrogate but I sincerely don’t think this baby was adopted. At this point, I would admit defeat. Blind Gossip is not a reputable source. I would say Crazy Days and Nights is much more reputable and the website has never made mention of this.

      • bob

        I agree, why not admit defeat? All we hear are crickets.

    • cassidy

      1.The person who wrote this article has nothing else to talk about
      2.you haven’t had a kid before so how are you telling people how a kid is suppose to look when there just born if you never had one.
      3. get a life and stop writing about stupid things that dont even make sense

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        1. This is my job.
        2. I have eyes and a brain in my head.
        3. This is my job.

    • Dexychik

      A few people claim I am not an obstetrician. Well, they’re right, but I do work in health. These machines are often calibrated to interpret results for the attending clinician, so require the GA and EDD to work out what’s normal. This trace shows a woman in labour (the spikes on the bottom trace are uterine contractions), no doubt, but the lack of info is strange.

      I’m actually kinda hopping off the conspiracy train because of…her ears. Ears never change, without surgery. Their shape is genetic. Alena and Danielle have very similar shaped ears (Which took me ages to find, because Danielle almost invariably either has enormous earrings in, or her hair covering them)

      BUT I have noticed that Danielle seems to have visited the St Tropez station since giving birth. Dunno about most girls on here, but after I’d had a vaginal delivery, I couldn’t walk properly for a week, let alone get fake-tanned. The baby’s skin tone, however, could be down to jaundice.

    • Mommy2girls

      I didn’t sweat during labor, wore earrings, and my daughter had fingernails like the baby’s in the picture. Stop being ridiculous.

    • Mommy2girls

      And both of my babies were born with flawless skin.

      • Alexis Rhiannon


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