Kevin Jonas Holds The New Baby™, Even He Doesn’t Seem Convinced She’s Really His

You know that thing where you sell the rights to your baby to a laundry detergent company that barely exists, and then they only let you publish one photo a day of her and today is the day that you get to be in one?!?!

Well today is that day for Kevin Jonas, who, along with brand new (supposed) daughter Alena Rose, posed for Dreft’s sixth Instagram photo ever. Just to give some reference, the first was a photo of a jug of detergent, the second was a stock photo of a positive pregnancy test, the third and fourth were quaint little graphics telling the #jonasbaby how excited we were for it to arrive, and the fifth was the now-notorious photo of Danielle Jonas, perfectly made-up and not at all sweaty after a day of pushing a small human out of her vagina, gazing adoringly at an infant who had seemingly already been outside the womb for a good week.

And now Kevin joins that hallowed group, showing up in a photo with little Alena bundled up in a more recognizable blanket this time (possibly after all the suspicion thrown their way after the blanket in Danielle’s photo was nothing like the blanket they give out at every hospital across the country?), staring at her…well actually pretty bewilderedly, now that I think about it. Like somebody dropped her into his arms as he repeatedly shouted, “No no no no no no please anything but this!” Someone should tell Kevin he’s supposed to be pretending he helped make that adorable little creature, because he’s looking at her like she might spontaneously combust.

Especially with that little Dreft ribbon marking their territory up in the top right corner, it looks like a poster for the film He Wasn’t Ready And He Still Isn’t starring Kevin Jonas in every role. I probably wouldn’t pay money to see that, but it seems like Dreft did, so luckily we don’t have to.

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    • Erin

      That is a very awkward photo. It’s almost like he’s looking at the baby thinking “what did I get myself into?”

      • JLH1986

        To be fair I would assume most new fathers also get that look at some point in the first 24 hours.

      • Erin

        Ha! Very true.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Maybe so, but most fathers wouldn’t post it to social media via a laundry detergent company, either.

      • Hilllll

        How telling they could not be sponsored by a diaper company or a charity. Greedy asses. Both need mental help and to be made the laughing stock they are in public. Sickos. Think of the idiots being influenced.

        Btw no pg girl even a <100 lb gains no boobs! No padding until 9th month. I guess no pr managrment could be hired to give facts?

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Super weird.

      • Myndee

        Someone please take this thing away, I did my obligatory picture, now let me call my boyfriend!

    • LadyClodia

      Geez, couldn’t Kevin even be bothered to smile? My husband is definitely smiling in the first pictures of him holding our first son. This whole thing is so weird.

    • Hmmmm

      Because that child was adopted. She was never pregnant.

    • Myndee

      My husband never stopped smiling when he saw our daughter for the first time on skype or in person. AND he had tears both times because he was so mesmerized by his daughter. He’s a big, tough infantryman who’s seen lots of things in Iraq and Afghanistan and didn’t cry, but there’s something about seeing your child that can make even the strongest man cry. But this precious baby girl isn’t his, and he couldn’t care less so of course there are no emotions shown other than uhhhhh do I have to take this thing home or will the PR team take it back to the office?

    • Mushroom Quiche

      I read a blind item that said that the baby they adopted is Mexican and Filipino, so I wonder what they’ll come up with when she gets older and her features become more visible.

      • Myndee

        They’ll trade the baby for a white baby like it’s some kind of car

      • Myndee

        The baby looks different in every picture they’ve posted. Maybe they already traded babies?

    • Anna

      Ok… I am so confused! I have never been more interested in a celebrity gossip story more so than that of the conspiracy of baby pillow. I have followed from the very beginning…analyzing every pic, interview, etc. and have been totally convinced that she was never pregnant. However, the more pics I see of “pillow” the more I am confused bc that baby looks exactly like Kevin! I still think she was never pregnant but man, they totally are getting away with this bc that baby is the spitting image of Kevin. I am starting to think maybe they did have a surrogate but the child is biologically theirs? I know 100% she was not ever preggos but I’m now considering the possibly of a surrogate and it was all hidden bc of him being homosexual and bc of her debilitating anxiety issues that may have led her to be too anxious to actually carry the baby and bc of the meds she takes? This whole thing is crazy, crazy, interesting!

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        That’s possible, I guess we’ll see how things play out as Alena gets older.

    • Faith

      I’m so sucked into this story! I’m analyzing every picture that’s posted. There’s one of Danielle holding her and I swear there’s no way she just gave birth. She has her legs kinda spread out and that’s my clue. I was on so much pain after my first one was born so there’s no way any woman could sit like that.

      • guest

        Every woman is different and I think that is what people are forgetting. I was in a lot of pain just like you but I have quite a few friends that were out running around 2 days later like nothing happened. I’m sucked in as well but I am really thinking we should just let them be. They look happy and content.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        That’s what I’d guess too, but I’ve never had a kid, so I wasn’t sure if my instinct was wrong.

      • Myndee

        What made me go hmmm was the fact that she “just gave birth” was in full makeup again at home, like she has time to perfectly put on lashes while Kevin attempts to care for the child, and the way she was holding her. She’s just kinda there like a sack of potatoes. I couldn’t hold and snuggle my daughter enough when she was a newborn, and I held so tight because I was worried she would fall. It’s little things that are bothering me that might not seem like a big deal, but to a first time mom usually are. I had tons of practice caring for newborns and I said I wouldn’t act like a typical first timer but you do when it’s your baby. And I’m wondering if to get even more press she will say she suffers from PPD, which will piss me off to no end. PPD is not something to joke about and I see them taking it that far for more press

    • Cass

      Looks just like him. I’m thinking the theories were just a little off and I’m also going to go out on a limb here and say that unless someone saw the little thing coming out of her vagina then we will never know. I’m thinking you should let this one go.

    • Alyssa Marie

      i think she was pregnant and the baby is theirs, because she does look like kevin, i just think she wasnt born on Sunday, ithink she was at least a week old when all these pics were taken. Plus, i think there already horrible parents considering they’re exploiting their daughter and she isnt even a month old!!! and i think they’re marriage was faked and the pregnancy was unplanned

    • Myndee

      Let’s take a moment and notice the hair, makeup and earrings look very similar to the day she gave birth. I would be more focused on my newborn than how I look….

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    • J_Doe5686

      I am so sure the baby it’s theirs because they’re the ones that signed the check. But I think it’s way too early to tell who the baby looks like. But it’s theirs, they bought her.

      • Myndee

        She’s theirs until the check bounces or they get turned in for buying a baby.

    • Myndee

      I haven’t seen any pictures of fake baby except for Easter, it makes me sad

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Milk that shit!