Justin Bieber Bragged About Taking Selena Gomez’s Virginity, And I’ll Take One Quart Of Brain-Bleach, Please

Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber giving MTV interview Jelena GIFDid you wake up with a brain that felt warm and springy today? Rested? Capable? Well hold onto that sensation, because I’m about to give it some information that will ruin it – Justin Bieber took Selena Gomez‘s virginity…and then bragged about it. Sorry.

I guess in the back of my mind I always knew that was probably the case, given that they’ve been dating on-and-off since December 2010, when Justin was sixteen and Selena was eighteen, BUT I DIDN’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT. I think we were all pretty content just walking around our world never questing exactly when and how and who and where the two of them first made the hump. (I regret my choice of phrasing immediately, but I don’t take it back.) But life isn’t fair, so here are the not-so-gory details of their magical first time:

“It was in the summer of 2011. They flew to Palm Springs for a couple days and had a super private place to stay. The purpose of the trip was 100 percent because Selena finally said ‘yes’ to having sex with him. They agreed because they both said they were in love.”

(Previously, in February 2011 — coincidentally the same month that Jelena went public at the Vanity Fair Oscar party — Justin had told Rolling Stone, “I don’t think you should have sex with anyone unless you love them.” So…that all checks out.)

Uncomfort. Discomfort. I feel like I’m sitting in a junior high health class again. Great that they loved each other, perfectly natural that they’d consummate that, but I am going out of my skin with the heebie-jeebies imagining that conversation taking place. BLEGH. Especially knowing that according to a ‘friend’ of his, little J-Biebs bragged about:

“Justin told me, ‘I knew she was in love with me when she gave me her virginity’. He said it with no embarrassment or shyness whatsoever.”

He’s always been a smart one, that Justin. Real quick on the uptake. OKAY BRB GOTTA BUY A QUART OF BLEACH FOR MY BRAINS.

(Image: Tumblr)

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    • MerlePerle

      I despise Justin as much as the next person, but that doesn’t sound like bragging to me.

    • Kathy

      Now all we need to know is whom did he give his virginity to? Probably Selena.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        One would imagine, but it’s hard to tell. He’s very careless, he might have just left it lying around somewhere to get carried off by a low-flying eagle.

    • Rachel

      She gave her virginity to him ha, i’m pretty positive it was probably his 1st time too… by now she’s probably like

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        I’m betting she got to G.O.B. status years and years ago.

      • Cabbie

        G.O.B.? What’s that? Help me out, here. I’m old.

    • Elizabeth Aspen

      So it stands to reason that you shouldn’t suck a stripper’s nipple unless you’re in love also. Wow, the philosophy of Bieber. Why hasn’t this kid been sainted yet?

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Don’t worry, I’ve sent the necessary documents to the pope.

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    • Maddi Holmes

      Virginity is such a strange, sexist and gross social construct anyway. “She gave me her virginity” ugh it’s just so possessive and gross. Bleghhh.

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