If you guys have been following the Super Bowl commercials at all, you’re probably aware of that weirdly-raunchy number from Scarlett Johansson for SodaStream. If you’ve never thought of carbonation as overtly sexual before…maybe now…you’re aware of that fact? I don’t know. I don’t fully understand what that ad was supposed to make me feel, or whether it succeeded. Mostly I just feel confused.
But the only thing more confusing than seeing a celebrity in a commercial like that is hearing a celebrity in a commercial like that. Isn’t that the strangest sensation ever, when you don’t see the famous face but you hear the famous voice? And you can’t figure out who it is? And even if you do figure it out, then you’re like…why are they endorsing this product in the first place? Do they really expect us to believe they use that shampoo, or eat at that chain, or change their baby’s diapers? Yeah right.
So in the spirit of being confused by ScarJo’s random love affair with bubbles, here are fourteen other weird celebrity endorsements that left us going, “Wait…was that what’s-his-name? What’s he doing?”
1. Julie Bowen for Olive Garden
Yeah, because when you have a body like Julie does on Modern Family, it’s usually from eating piles of carbs smothered in dairy and fat while literally endless sticks of carbs are brought to your table.
2. Jon Hamm for Mercedes Benz
This one was particularly odd, because it makes me think I’ve been in front of my television for too long, and Jon’s character Don Draper from Mad Men is coming to life.
3. Lisa Kudrow for Yoplait
Listen, I love me some Lisa Kudrow, so you won’t hear me complaining. I’ve just never associated her with yogurt in my mind before, even after all our time together on Friends. (Her acting, me watching.)
4. Will Arnett for GMC
He always struck me as kind of…I don’t know…fancy as G.O.B. on Arrested Development, so hearing his voice sell me a big, manly, mud-splattered car is fairly odd, no matter how raspily perfect he sounds.
5. Jason Sudeikis for Applebees
You know, I was gonna say that Jason had never been to an Applebees in his life, but then my boyfriend reminded me that he’s from the midwest, where they don’t turn their nose up at a chain restaurant just because it’s not hoity-toity. YOU GO JASON.
6. Queen Latifah for Pizza Hut
Never will I ever understand this one. Is the pizza particularly sassy? Or crucial to singing? I’ll grasp at straws right along with you, ad execs, I just need to know which ones I’m reaching for.
7. Matt Damon for Ameritrade
I just kind of figured that Matt Damon had all the money already, because he’s been doing movies since forever. So when I heard his voice drifting through my speakers, I was like whyyyyy does Jason Bourne care what I do with my money? Shouldn’t he be focused on staying alive??
8. John Krasinski for Esurance
Oh hello John! Couldn’t help but notice you there, hawking something you almost certainly don’t use. You’re really gonna go with the lowest-quote insurance? What if a paparazzo hits your car with theirs?? What will happen then, you cheerful-voiced mother-effer??
9. John Krasinski for Blackberry
That’s…weird. I could’ve sworn we just got done talking to you John Krasinski. But surely I must be mistaken, because no famous person does that many voiceovers. Once or twice they’d get their face in frame, even if Blackberry is an outdated company.
10. John Krasinski for Carnival Cruise Lines
JOHN GET OUT OF HERE GO HOME AND SEE YOUR FAMILY. How much could Carnival possibly be paying you to pretend you’ve been on one of their sea-going pleasure domes? Get back to your beach house and coast on that Office money.
11. Julia Roberts for Nationwide Insurance
Girl, you were like the most famous person in the world for a little bit. What happened? Now you’re going door-to-door peddling insurance like some kinda Krasinski or something’! Cripes!
12. Antonio Banderas for Nasonex
In case you, like me, were ever like, “Man that bee sounds like Antonio Banderas,” then you’re about to get your mind blown, because THAT WAS ACTUALLY ANTONIO BANDERAS. Don’t ask me how they got him, or why the mascot for that company was a talking Spanish bee — it’s one of this world’s greatest mysteries.
13. Morgan Freeman for VISA
Mainly this one was confusing for me because once you play the voice of God, I feel like you don’t get to play the voice of normal human beings again. Because all of a sudden God wants me to use Visa, and I’m like…all torn up about it, spiritually.
14. Julianna Margulies for Pampers
Juliana’s another lady whom I like very much, but who I absolutely can’t envision having anything to do with the changing of a baby’s diaper. She probably does it, I just associate her so closely with her character on The Good Wife that my instincts tell me she doesn’t even know what poop IS.