• Mon, Feb 3 - 8:40 am ET

There’s A Justin Bieber Sex Tape Rumor, And It’s Like What Took You So Long, Buddy?

Justin Bieber attending opening for his movie Believe December 2013

If Justin Bieber keeps dragging his feet with these scandals, he’ll reach his twentieth birthday as only a major douchebag and not a colossal douchebag, which seems to be his goal. How else is he supposed to tell his fans to beliebe in their dreams if he can’t even reach his own? For example, it took him all way to last month to finally get arrested. Now he’s finally got a sex tape waiting in the wings, while I’m busy braiding the long gray beard I grew in the time it took for that to happen. This is of course according to the latest reports from Radar Online. But let’s face it, when it comes to all things Bieber, rumors seem to be just the tiny seedlings of true stories.

Bieber was apparently recorded on a surveillance camera at a strip club in Queensland, Australia, during a visit to the country last November. We know Bieber has been to strip clubs before. He’s even reported to have made it rain thousands upon thousands of singles during a recent trip. But the tape doesn’t just show Bieber enjoying the strippers’ performance and then shaking their hands to thank them.

The 12-minute video, which is supposed to be “crystal clear,” features Bieber in what Radar calls “compromising positions” with two topless strippers. If you’ve ever watched any movie ever, you’ll know that’s a euphemism for sex things. According to a source who’s seen the whole video, those compromising positions include spanking the strippers (ironic considering he could use a non-sexy spanking himself) and pulling their panties off with his teeth. Charming.

The tape is being shopped to media outlets, but Radar has a still image that shows Bieber with his baseball cap on backwards, the hooligan. There’s also a security guard nearby. Perhaps Bieber should take Miley Cyrus’ advice and pay that guy to keep him under control. Or, you know, he could stay home and not do anything to get into trouble. Do I need to step in and teach Bieber a class in sitting on the couch all day watching Netflix and eating potato chips? Is that not something everyone is born with the ability to do?

(Photo: FayesVision / WENN.com)

You can reach this post's author, Jill O’Rourke, on twitter.
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  • http://gabrielle2lastnames.tumblr.com/ Gabrielle Hanson-Moore

    Whattttttt?!!! This article has been out for almost an hour and not ONE Belieber has come to Justin’s defense?!!!!! Shock and awe, Jill–also laughter.

    • Jill O’Rourke

      Fingers crossed this means he’s losing them.

  • Rachel

    Saw an article about him licking a stripper’s nipple… one of his fans commented and said it was photoshopped because his neck was too long in the picture o_O

    • bjc410

      I read it was obviously Photoshopped because the ears do not match Justin’s ears. [shrugs]