Obviously the most important football game of the year will be played today: the Puppy Bowl. You thought I was going to say the Super Bowl, didn’t you? Nah, for me it’s all about the tiny baby dogs who run around a field, doing silly puppy things in what can only be described as an overdose of cuteness. And the commercials. Obvi.
I don’t know how the puppies are chosen for the Puppy Bowl, but I do know that the puppies picked aren’t the only cute puppies out there who could totally dominate the game. If I had to pick my dream lineup based solely on searching Tumblr for GIFs, I’d have a pretty solid team on my
hands paws. Also, I think I really missed my calling in life because I could easily be happy for the rest of my days if my actual job was looking at animations of cute puppies all day. So let’s pretend it’s my real-life career and continue on, shall we? The following puppies totally deserve some recognition.
1. The Swatter
I mean look at that hand-eye coordination! For someone so young, this little guy is already quite the whipper-snapper.
2. The Distractor
One second, you’re looking deep into the soulful eyes of this swashbuckler, and the next second you’ve missed a pass or a touchdown or whatever. Keen technique, my friend.
3. The Snowball-er
For the first time in a long time, the Super Bowl is taking place in a cold climate. No worries for this guy, because he eats, sleeps, and breathes the cold weather. Snow/ What snow? Watch out.
4. The Superhero
Any one of these Marvel-comic worshippers is a force to be reckoned with. Iron Man, Captain America, The Hulk, and… Darth Vader? Wolverine? (Cut me some slack, I got 3 out of 4) will totally destroy you with their superhero strength. Real helmets are for losers.
You won’t know what hit you when this guy gets in your face. He’s a wily one, with sharp teeth and a roar that will leave you temporarily paralyzed in fear right in the middle of the field.
6. Puppy + Bowl = Puppy Bowl Pro
Another great distraction: while your team is all over the place, this guy is off in the corner pretending to be so stupid he can’t get out of this bowl. But in reality, he’s distracting you so his team can gain some ground.
7. The Bad Ass
Doesn’t matter what you throw this guy’s way, he’s down for whatever. He takes his lickin’ and keeps on tickin’, ya dig? Sacking quarterbacks is the least of what this guy does on a daily basis.
8. The Biter
Known for his wild, reckless abandon and wrestling with exotic tigers, this guy will pretend to be docile until you threaten his personal space. Then… BAM! Your nose gets nipped.
9. Stop, Drop, and Roll
Yeah, this guy is on fire… metaphorically. He will do whatever it takes to go after a ball, even if it means rolling down the field like a Pomeranian burrito just to be faster and sneakier than you.
10. You Think Ron Swanson Is Tough?
Well, even he melted under the caring caress of this guy. He’ll think nothing of making you fall in love with him and then snatching the mustache right off your face. So cold.
11. Puggy Huggins
Any dog who can withstand Marty Huggins’ pug love is the kind of dog I want on my team.
12. The Clear Winner Here
If you aren’t one of the 22 million people who watched this pup’s Super Bowl commercial on YouTube already (my favorite one so far, sorry Ellen), then you either have no soul or are just legitimately busy with real life/important things. This guy is by far my favorite pick to win the Puppy Bowl this year, even if he’s not playing. He will steal your heart faster than you can steal the ball.
(Lead GIF: Tumblr)