Alison Brie Got Her Vagina Touched, And The Story Is Less Charming Than She Thinks

Alison Brie on Jay Leno January 2014It’s probably pretty hard, as a celebrity, to come up with a really good story to tell on a late night show. I wouldn’t know, but I’ve decided to give them the benefit of the doubt, considering the percentage of the time that the charming little anecdotes fall flat.

Take Alison Brie, for instance, who went on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night to tell a quaint little tale about getting her vagina touched by a stranger. What fun! She had been trying for forever to get an appointment with this famous chiropractor dude, and she finally did, only to have a friend of hers warn her on his way out the door that he might…y’know…need to touch her vagina or whatever. Apparently he’d gone to this doctor as well, and he became the first and only man ever to touch his penis, because he had to ‘move it out of the way’.

But Alison had waited so long for the appointment and heard so many great things about this miracle-worker that she was like, “Okay whatever!” and skipped off happily to the doctor’s office…where she says things got even weirder. The office was creepy, it was completely deserted, and when she did finally meet with the doctor, HE GAVE HER THE EXACT SAME WARNING ABOUT TOUCHING HER VAGINA. But it was okay because he insists he’s a totally above-board guy and sometimes there’s no other way to align a spine besides going through someone’s vagina, because humans are like hand-puppets.

Okay so I need to pause here, because I’m feeling super uncomfortable. There are plenty of types of doctors out there who need to come into contact with various genital elements, but none that I can think of who take it upon themselves to talk you into it. I don’t know what chiropractic entails, which is why I don’t do it on myself or others, but if it requires touching the vagina (can’t imagine how it would, but just giving him the benefit of the doubt) just say that! Don’t say, “I have to touch your parts now but don’t worry because I’m a cool guy and we’re friends, right?”

And as for YOU, Alison, I regret to inform you that this story is nowhere near as cute, silly, or charming as you seem to think it is. It’s weird and it strikes me as pretty unsafe, frankly, no matter how quirkily you giggle your way through it. It seems like you should’ve removed yourself from that situation, and the way you told it to Jimmy Kimmel in this clip makes me think you realize it too.

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    • Amanda Lee

      Absolutely under no circumstances do they need to touch your lady bits! They do touch your upper thigh/butt/hip areas, as they push down to crack the spine, but no no no to the genital area. Apparently she thinks it’s funny and cute to tell a story about a pervy doctor touching people. Who knows who else he does this to? I know children go to chiropractors… disgusting.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Yeah, she’s so proud of the story! I felt super weird and skeeved about it.

      • happy1ga

        1) It is NOT a charming story
        2) If I was the chiropractor, I would be livid that she told it in this manner
        3) This type of pelvic manipulation is completely above board, it is a treatment to realign the pelvis, that is very successful. Many women during pregnancy, post pregnancy, or perhaps have had an injury, suffer from what’s known as “symphysis pubis dysfunction.” It happens when hormones cause a loosening of the tissue around the joints, and causes great pain when walking, squatting, opening legs for vaginal sex, etc., it can lead to permanent disability requiring a life long wheelchair, If there is severe enough damage.
        4) She never said the chiropractor “inserted his finger into her body,” she said “touched.” Maybe you aren’t familiar with the pelvis area and the gap between the two sides, connected with fibrocartilaginous tissue, reinforced by ligaments, that make up the pubic symphysis, so just think of the abdominal area directly above the clitoris, and there you go.
        5) There are treatments that may require some insertion of fingers for examination/stabilization. I do know of one treatment for sacral pain that involves a gloved finger in the anus. :/
        Hope this helps, and pleaseunderstand this is just the briefest of brief explanations by a non-physician, but by a chiropractic office manager, and as a woman who suffered from this condition, 25 yrs ago. Maybe a doc will chime in…

      • Cj

        Keep drinking the kool aide. By the way have you heard about the new devices that make rain?

      • happy1ga

        Oooh, edgy. You’re an idiot.

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    • Scarlettmer

      Why would an adult think that a chiropractor needs to insert his finger inside her body? Everything they do is outside the body.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        That’s my understanding as well.

      • Scarlettmer

        Your vagina is inside your body. The only way he could have touched it would have involved insertion. The actress alludes to her genitals being touched somehow – which could happen during a procedure. But touching the vagina would involve penetration. Her story is pathetic enough, but I do not think that is what happened here.

      • Jay

        So with that logic; if I were to touch you outside of your labia majora you would not considering me to have touched your vagina then?

        Good to know.

      • Jenny

        When did she ever say he inserted his fingers? I didn’t hear that at all….

    • Benita

      Chiropractors are NOT DOCTORS! They do not attend medical school and the medical profession denounces them. The whole practice is a complete New Age scam and under no circumstances should anyone ever visit one.

      • jw

        Your ignorant of facts. They are doctors, they are not medical
        doctors. If its a scam why do people go and get results. …..
        please spare me the placebo nonsense.

      • Max Lippman

        JW, if you are going to respond, please use proper grammar. “Your ignorant of facts,” is terribly ironic.

        That being said… Benita, pretty lame comment. Sad to see that there are still people like you out there.

      • jw

        Gotta luv grammer polize. :)

      • Drew Burdett

        JW:
        1) chiropractors get “doctorates” from chiropractor school. This is the blind leading the blind because…

        2) chiropractors believe that all disease (http://www.chiro.org/research/ABSTRACTS/Conditions.shtml) are caused by disruption of magic energy flow in the spine (http://www.chiropracticbalance.com/about-chiropractic.html)

        3) people go to see chiropractors. Many people I know have done so. NONE of them knew the above facts beforehand. People go to see fortune tellers who gaze into crystal balls. Presumably you wouldn’t use that as an argument for credibility. The “argument from popularity” is no argument at all.

        4) the bottom line is that, since chiro is no better than physical therapy (http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/chiropractic/Pages/Evidence.aspx) and has an alarming association of stroke (http://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/update-chiropractic-neck-manipulation-and-stroke/) it is a profession full of dangerous quacks. The guy in the story is just an extreme example.

    • chiroguy

      It was probably a pubic symphosis adjustment which is performed with an instrument externally on the front of the pelvis. But hey that doesnt sound nearly as funny on late night tv as “hey this guy touched my whoha”

    • Cj

      There are two kinds of chiropractors. The first knows they are scam artists and are the medical equivalent of a used car salesman. A modern day rain maker if you will. The second is one who actual believes the crap they are peddling, which may be the more dangerous of the two. Why would anyone want someone “manipulating” your spine who believes in pseudo science and non existent subluxations and who studied at essentially a two year trade school and took classes in how to maximize billing? Of I was one of the believers swallowing the kool aide these Quaks are selling I would consider myself pretty stupid and I guess those kind of people that stick up for them will just about believe anything.