Update: they found a baby somewhere! And don’t worry, she’s already making them money.
I’m sure you don’t pay as close attention to this whole Kevin and Danielle Jonas thing as I do (because no one does, including Keven and Danielle Jonas), so you’ll have to trust me when I say that today is the day that their baby was supposed to be born.
…but it wasn’t, clearly. Which would be a perfectly understandable thing for any other set of parents, because due dates are fluid and flexible and every pregnancy is different. But it’s not an understandable thing for this couple because all signs point to Danielle Jonas not actually being pregnant.
There have been erratic increases and decreases in belly size, multiple blind items suggesting they’re faking their pregnancy and shopping around for an infant to adopt, a due date delayed from ‘early in the new year’ to February 6th, awkward photo shoots, pregnancy videos without Danielle’s face in them, absolutely no weight gain on her body anywhere but her belly, and the general fact that I can’t actually imagine these two touching each other in any way other than a dry peck on the lips.
These are all things I’ve gone through in depth because I’m a crazy person, and the final conclusion that I came to is that based on when they announced the pregnancy and when they released the gender and the first sonogram, this baby was due between January 2nd and January 30th. And that’s today, so happy fake birthday Jonas baby who allegedly doesn’t exist!
Now, I’m not an idiot. I know that babies come when they want to and not when they don’t want to, but I also know this couple. They love the spotlight, so if the baby was even so much as an hour late, don’t you think they’d be tweeting about it nonstop? And probably they will be, at least once they get a bead on an adoption agency and have an actual arrival date. But as of right now there’s no mention of it at all (they’re pretty excited about renting out their mansion on Airbnb though), and with every passing day, I become more convinced that my conspiracy theory is true…
What do you think?
(Photo: Joseph Marzullo / WENN.com)