This time last week, I probably would have told you that hell would freeze over and pigs would fly before Justin Bieber would ever turn himself in to the police to be arrested, but when I looked out my hell-window today, I couldn’t help but notice that the flames licking at my house were icy cold and that all the hell-vultures ominously circling the corpses I keep on my lawn were actually plump little piggies zooming about the sky.
I don’t know how to explain the fact that he gave himself up without initiating a stand-off or a high-speed Razor scooter chase through his in-house skate park like I expected, except to say that maybe when you get arrested two times in the same week, this all starts to feel like second nature.
Yes that’s right everybody, this is Bieber Arrest Numero Dos, and it has nothing to do with the previous offenses of egging and drug-possession that have been following him around, nor does it has to do with last week’s drag-racing arrest. This is an entirely separate thing, stemming from an alleged criminal assault on a Toronto limo driver on December 30th, 2013. According to CBC:
Toronto police said the charges stem from an altercation between a limo driver and a passenger in the early morning hours of Monday, Dec. 30, after a group of six people was picked up outside a nightclub in the area of Peter Street and Adelaide Street West.
Police said one of the passengers hit the limo driver in the head several times during the altercation. The driver stopped and called police, but the passenger left the scene before police arrived.
It’s not clear from the information released whether the passenger in question is Bieber or a member of his entourage, but after turning himself in to the 52nd Division last night and being charged, Justin was kept for processing for two hours, and then released of his own recognizance.
…and a lucky thing, too, because if Justin is gonna keep his arrest record going, he only has a week or so to get himself hauled in again.
(Photo: Jag Gundu / Getty Images Entertainment)