Once upon a time Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner got married in the fairy tale land of Hollywood and they lived happily ever after. Until they didn’t anymore. And then Ben Affleck wanted everyone to know that they didn’t live happily ever after anymore. “I hate my wife!” he shouted from in between the lines of everything he said going forward, “I would like to never ever wake up to her stupid, shiny Neutrogena face ever again!”
Take his acceptance speech at the Oscars last year as an example. Rather than taking the opportunity to talk about the movie he made, he used it to talk about how much work it was to be married to his wife. Or look at the fact that Jennifer Garner cut off his good luck beard at a Oscars party because she hated it. Or, if you need a more recent example that things aren’t going so great in their marriage, check out what Ben said about Jen during an interview with Playboy (that’s on Gawker?) when asked about Daredevil being a failure:
No, it’s something else. Look at Daredevil. That’s where I found my wife. We met on Pearl Harbor, which people hate, but we fell in love on Daredevil.
So good, so far, right? Just a husband reflecting on the movie that brought him and his wonderful wife together. He could stop talking right there and the answer would be complete. But alas, he didn’t.
By the way, she won most of the fights in the movie, which was a pretty good predictor of what would happen down the road—my wife, holding swords and beating the living shit out of me.
And there you go. He had to throw in a “by the way.” Nothing good ever follows a “by the way.” It’s always tacked onto the end of a conversation haphazardly.
“Have a great day at work! Oh and by the way, I can’t afford to pay rent this month,” says your roommate on her way out the door.
“The food at this restaurant’s so delicious. By the way, everyone hated your boyfriend in college,” says your best friend as she orders another drink.
“Call me when you get home safely. By the way the dog is dead,” says your mom as she confuses her Facebook status with a wall post.
“I love my wife. By the way, I’ve never been more miserable in my life,” says Ben Affleck as he does an interview that he knows will be published.
I could go on and on and on. But I think you get my point. Also, by the way, love is dead.
(Photo: MHD, PacificCoastNews)