• Mon, Jan 27 - 12:52 pm ET

A Backstreet Boy Wants To Mentor Justin Bieber, Should Probs Introduce Himself First

Justin Bieber looking around GIF gray shirt(via)

Just to be clear, I wasn’t trying to mislead you with the title up there. I know that saying ‘someone from The Backstreet Boys‘ is typically the worst kind of clickbait…I just really wasn’t sure that anyone would recognize the name A.J. McLean if it was roaming out on its own.

So Justin Bieber, if you’re reading — and I have a feeling you are, snuggled up warm in your intervention bed down in Panama — I should probably try to explain to you what a Backstreet Boy is. It’s boy-bander who excels at silly hair and strong eye contact with a camera, and if you put five of them together, you come up with a group that was formed in 1993, when your parents were still a solid six months away from the sex act that created you. But don’t worry, you may not have missed them entirely; sometimes they release albums in 2013 as well, when they start to worry we’re getting close to forgetting about them!

AJ McLean with Doritos Nacho Cheese bag GIF(via)

But anyway, far at the bottom of the BSBoy totem pole sits A.J. McLean (above), who is known for three things: 1. Outstanding Innovations In 90s Facial Hair Technology, 2. inexplicably hiding behind Doritos bags, and 3. wanting to take your recently-arrested self under his wing. THAT’S RIGHT LITTLE J-FEATHERS! People says you’ve got yourself a brand new bird-daddy…as long as you’re ready to accept him into your nest:

“[I want to] see if I can reach out to Justin and see if we can have a sit-down, take him under my wing, and tell him what it was like for me at that age, and maybe see if he will actually hear me.”

Even though AJ says that he and the rest of the band were surrounded by “really supportive people who didn’t ‘yes’ us to death,” he still struggled with substance abuse. So in regards to Justin’s inner circle:

“Who knows who he’s surrounding himself with that are egging him on, no pun intended.”

Nope, AJ. You had me for a second, but then you lost me. No mentorship for you. Do not collect $200.

“One of the first things I would say is one of the tattoos that I have on me that says, ‘What are you doing?’ Are you trying to prove something to yourself? Are you trying to prove something to the press and the media? Are you trying to flip everyone the bird and say, ‘I can do what I want!’? Or are you trying to ask for help and you’re not going about it the right way? This could be a cry for help for all we know.”

Alright, you have me again. Anyone who wants to ask Justin evaluate his present (and future) tattoos is okay with me.

“Hopefully he’ll want to sit down and we can have a little chat. Obviously he has to go through what he’s going through, and hopefully he comes out the other end a better, stronger human being.”

I mean you’re welcome to try AJ, and it’s sweet that you want to. I just have a sneaking suspicion that this kid is gonna have no effing idea who you are.

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  • Olivia Wilson

    That “what are you doing?” tattoo seems so antagonistic. Like, “I’m showering, Tattoo! Get OFF my back, for once.”