In case you needed more proof that Justin Bieber is the absolute worst, he blew $75,000 at a strip club yesterday — wait for it — in one dollar bills.
He flew into Miami to celebrate Martin Luther King, Jr. Day the way we all do, at a strip club with our favorite friend with a ‘Lil’ in his name. And since Biebs couldn’t find his usual mainstay Lil Twist, and Lil Za is still fresh out of jail on that pesky felony drug charge, he settled on Lil Scrappy, and off he went to King Of Diamonds, an area strip club.
And not just any strip club — a high end one. Meaning that Justin’s typical behavior of peeing in buckets and leaving behind his pets as tokens of his appreciation probably wasn’t going to fly. So he thought up another way to be a supremely annoying little douche-nozzle: showering the club in $75,000 in ones. Less about making it rain than making it flurry, with zero visibility and drifts of up to fourteen inches. That’s the same forecast we have in New York City today, except presumably it won’t be MADE OUT OF MONEY.
I appreciate Justin trying to distribute his absurd wealth among Miami’s undoubtedly deserving strippers, but honestly when it’s that many ones, it’s more of a nuisance than anything. Like, who is gonna sweep that up? You couldn’t do hundreds, or fifties, or twenties? Even fives would’ve made everybody’s lives easier and limited the probability of a stripper going down in a hidden money trap and losing a leg. These things are bound to happen when they can’t see their own feet in those Lucite heels. YOU MUST THINK OF OTHERS, JUSTIN BIEBER.
But nope! He’s just living his life, and part of that life means thoughtlessly distributing seventy-five THOUSAND little pieces of paper inside your strip club. Good luck walking around without losing a leg in a hidden money hole or getting home at a decent hour tonight. I hope you have a nice large backpack for taking your earnings to the bank tomorrow, and that you’re prepared to stand in line with a bunch of strangers who are about to find out HARD that you’re a stripper.
(Photo: FayesVision / WENN.com)