(Photo: Brian To / WENN.com)
You know that Shakespearean saying ‘the lady doth protest too much, methinks’? Well I’m gonna use it on Kaley Cuoco and her brand new husband Ryan Sweeting right now, because for the life of me I can’t figure out why it’s so important for them to convince us of how desperately in love they are.
The phrase is from Hamlet, and Gertrude uses it to describe a character in a play who swears so up and down that she’s not going to remarry after her husband’s death that her vehemence begins to suggest the exact opposite. Which is exactly how I feel about Kaley and Ryan. They’re so loud about publicizing HOW VERY HARD they love each other in each and every single way that I find myself starting to actually doubt it, wondering what they’re trying to pull over on me.
First of all, they met and fell in love during a time when Kaley was supposedly involved with Henry Cavill, which has never been addressed. And is super weird. But regardless, they started dating in June 2013 and got engaged three months later, in September 2013. Okay, whoa, what’s your hurry? But not the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard of, especially in the celebrity world, where people make and break engagements all the time. I figured they’d just have a really long one so they could, y’know, get to know each other a little before they got hitched.
But nope! They got married just a little over three months after that, on the most cliched wedding date of all time — New Years Eve, with the internet promptly flooded with pictures of Kaley’s (actually really beautiful) gown. It was to the point that even a week and change later at the Golden Globe Awards, Kaley could barely walk the red carpet without bouncing into other peoples’ interviews crowing, “I’M MARRIED!” into the camera.
And now, even after all that, the two of them are showing no signs of slowing down their LoveTrain, with Ryan getting a huge forearm tattoo of Kaley’s name, as well as their marriage anniversary date in Roman numerals inside a heart. Okay we get it! How many ways do you need to remind us (and each other?) that you’re gonna be together forever? I feel like you two are on the Titanic, and you sense some big disaster is coming, so you’re trying to lash yourselves to each other in as many ways as possible so that neither of you has an out.
But sometimes people need an out, guys! Most people, in fact! Even when they don’t have whirlwind six month courtships. WHAT AREN’T YOU TELLING US?!?!