I’m a fairly rational, logical person, but something about the relationship between Danielle and Kevin Jonas sends me into a tailspin of conspiracy theories and blind gossip binges.
It’s just that once you see a supposedly married couple deal in the chaste, closed-mouth kisses that we’ve observed on Married To Jonas, there’s not much to suggest that in their spare time, they get physical enough to make a whole baby. And then when multiple blind items seem to support that conclusion, alleging that the Jonases are faking their pregnancy and scrambling to adopt a baby after their first arrangement fell through, those allegations only make it feel more real.
And then on top of that, when you see the two of them posing together, and Kevin barely knows how to put his hands on his wife in a vaguely intimate way, and Danielle can’t even remember which pregnancy belly to wear to the gym, things start to feel pretty overwhelming. But once you add on this new interview that Kevin gave to Life & Style ‘gushing’ over Danielle, I really can’t take it anymore:
“I absolutely find her sexier than ever! I tell her all the time. She wears pregnancy well — she’s stunning!”
She wears pregnancy well. Oh Kevin, you sweet sweet treasure, don’t you know what you’re doing to us? You have many many verbs at your disposal, do you really need to select the one that suggests she can put on and take off her pregnancy at will? That it’s like a trendy shirt that she can slither into and out of, changing her due date willy-nilly and never gaining an ounce of body fat anywhere other than her belly?
Just work with us here, Kevin. I need something to keep my brain grounded in reality.
(Photo: Slaven Vlasic / Getty Images Entertainment)