• Wed, Jan 15 - 1:55 pm ET

Someone Should Tell Jon Gosselin That His Kids Aren’t Little Baby Serial Killers

Jon Gosselin attending Virgin America launch party April 2012If anyone has Jon Gosselin‘s number, can you do me a favor and let him know that his children are human beings and not the emotionless sociopaths that he apparently thinks he birthed? Or maybe a better way to get in touch with him is by beeper — he seems like he’d still have a beeper, right?

But however we contact him, I think it’s important that we do it soon, because he seems pretty out of touch with some fundamental things about his own flesh and blood. Most importantly, the fact that the internet is pretty prevalent at this point, and it’s super likely that at some point, one or all of them are gonna get online and see what their dad really thinks of them. Namely: that their asshole mom is molding them into budding psychopaths. He told Life & Style:

“They live in such an isolated house. When they’re with me, I let them out into society. I don’t close the gate and make them live in a compound like Kate does. You can’t breathe the wrong way without upsetting her. The kids have to ask before they get a drink, before they get a snack, before they open the fridge, before they go to the bathroom. It’s ridiculous.”

Okay Jon — if you were trying to describe your children as caged animals being trained to attack their captors, then congratulations! Great success! But if you were trying to talk about the fruit of your loins in a loving, fatherly, empathetic way, then you have failed. Big time. But don’t you think you can do an even better job at describing them as tiny serial killers? I bet you can!

“They have problems adjusting with their peers. They are well-mannered, and that is great, but when we go into an environment with other children, they cling to me. I’m trying to teach them respect and love for other people. That’s the big thing: humanity. They need to look inside other peoples’ hearts. By isolating them, they’ll never learn.”

Great job buddy, you nailed it! I wish my parents had left fun interviews like this one all over the internet for me to find when I came of age! Such lucky Gosselins!

(Photo: Michael Buckner / Getty Images Entertainment)

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  • Kaitlin Reilly

    “They need to look inside other people’s hearts!” Umm, what does that even mean in this context?

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      He wishes they could tell fortunes, I think.

    • Mystik Spiral

      Looking inside other people’s hearts sounds exactly like something a serial killer would do…

    • Kay_Sue

      My thoughts exactly. WTF?

    • Katja Yount

      I think he was searching for the word “empathy”. Didn’t quite find it though.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Keeeeep digging, bud.

  • Jenni

    He actually makes them sound like feral children. Which I know a lot about thanks to some great documentaries that are on Youtube in several parts.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Also the movie Mama. We should never forget its informative influence.

  • Butterfly

    There’s a new blind post that fits with your theory: http://blindgossip.com/?p=57584

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      I saw that!

  • Josie

    Oh please. He wasn’t putting his children down, he was addressing valid concerns. Just wait until you Crushable people have adolescent kids of your own. You’ll look back at the things you come up with on this blog and cringe. It’s amazing what time and experience will due to a person’s perspective.

    • CMJ

      Yes, addressing valid concerns to the media….and the interwebz. Such a great dad.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      A+.

    • A-nony-mous

      I don’t think he should’ve talked to the media and, of course, bashing the other parent is pretty much never the answer. However, do we really expect any different from these two? All they *do* is bash each other to the media instead of getting mediation or sitting down and talking to each other.

      I don’t think what he said was offensive. If I read that, from my parent, I wouldn’t be offended. He’s concerned about their lack of socialization, it’s a valid concern because it *does* have lasting effects on children. Children who aren’t free to make friends as children often lack the ability to make friends or hold social interactions as adults, and can become quite lonely and depressed.

      Again, the only real issue is that he’s some sort of z-list quasi-celeb so the media likes to talk to him.

    • Ashley Michelle Hardwick

      I just have to think here that you A+ his reply. Well I have to say even though you don’t personally know these people you did post this article about what he said and you mocked it. So to me you posting these articles about the family and in such a way does just as much harm to his kids as he does. You say he is a bad father by publicly saying all these things. Well then don’t validate his behavior by posting about it and spreading it around. If you truly cared about the kids or had concern about them, you just would ignore whatever he has said or did and not make it any more of a circus act then it already is. Your no different than him.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      I hope his nine- and thirteen-year olds feel the same way, when they’re old enough to discover that their dad talks about them on the internet.

    • Josie

      I imagine they will understand what he said/did a lot more than they will understand the bloggers who felt the need to stretch and manipulate what he said into something scandalous so they would have something to write about.

    • Nerdy Lucy

      Riiiight. Sure. Whatever you say.

    • GosselinbookStTeam..

      And the mother doesn’t? It was Kate who went on radio show and talked about the twins bra shopping and menstruating. Tweeting pics of her kids in their beds, provocative pics of one in high heels, pulling her eyes back to look Asian. And a whole lot more.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      This post isn’t about Kate, it’s about Jon.

    • GosselinbookStTeam..

      The post was about a parent, my reply was about a parent. Don’t split hairs

    • elle

      I definitely think these are valid concerns but blabbing about it to the media isn’t helping them, it makes the situation worse. These are things that are inappropriate to address outside the family/ in their case I guess family court. If Jon wasn’t a celeb it wouldn’t even be appropriate to Facebook this sort of stuff about your children. If you do have adolescent children or any children you should definitely realize why talking this way about your children outside of the immediate family is disturbingly inappropriate.

    • Nerdy Lucy

      Thank goodness you have common sense because Josie isn’t demonstrating any.

    • Nerdy Lucy

      With all due respect, it seems you’ve missed the point.

      As a parent, his adolescent children may not appreciate his blabbing to the masses over various forms of media. He and Kate chose their lives and this path, but the children had no choice.

  • GosselinbookStTeam..

    He didn’t “birth” them you idiot! And he didn’t describe them as “little serial killers” If anyone is putting down those kids, its people like you who are making mountains out of mole hills and making money with your salacious lies. Get a grip!

    • Nerdy Lucy

      Are you always this involved?

    • GosselinbookStTeam..

      Yes!

    • Blooming_Babies

      It’s their job to be involved. Literally.

    • Nerdy Lucy

      If you’re a believer that GosselinbookStTeam is part of the Gosselin PR team or someone “official,” and not an obsessed fan, then you might be right. The absence of professionalism leads me to think otherwise.

      If you’re meaning the parents,then I agree, but that’s not at what who or what I was addressing.

    • Blooming_Babies

      No I’m pretty sure, much like Fox News, rabid “fans” are paid to act like real people in the comments section. I’d say the lack of professionalism is intentional.

    • Nerdy Lucy

      This isn’t a bad point. I’ve just know so many crazies in real life that pretend to actually know the celebrities and get on message boards to complete their fantasies. I just think this stinks of desperation on his/her part.

    • Blooming_Babies

      Lol could be! I guess I just want to live in a world where rabid gosselin fans don’t exist anymore.

    • Nerdy Lucy

      I 100% admit that I used to watch, like, every episode of Jon & Kate Plus 8, but I have no idea what this whole thing has turned into. I just feel bad for the kids.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Same…

    • Josie

      Thank you. My thoughts exactly. These bloggers take whatever little tidbit they can grab onto and twist it into something they can write about. Maybe they should report on the charges filed against Courtney Love for libel. They walk a very fine line.

  • Alyssa

    I feel like he’s just trying to throw some shade at Kate but just ended up insulting his kids more than anything else. Not that talking crap about his ex is any better though. Nothing says “I’m the better parent” than going to the media to talk shit about your ex wife.

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  • Katy Hearne

    New conspiracy! How great would it be if Kate & Jon were actually still together & they were having the opposite of a fakelationship. A fake divorce (no way to mash those words together) where they bash each other & subject their children to horrible (fake) insults & embarrassment all for the publicity. And the kids are in on it too! That is the only logical answer as to whey these people do what they do.

    • Jenni

      Give me the weekend and I’ll find enough clues that this conspiracy will make sense!

  • Pappy

    Umm… What? What interview were you reading?
    I don’t know what is going on in the author’s head that made them magically reinterpret “My ex-wife is extremely controlling and isolates our children, which is negatively impacting their social development and ability to interact with peers.” to mean “My children are serial killers.”

    I am really, profoundly unimpressed by this. There are plenty of real things that Jon has said/done which you have every right to question and deride. But to completely re-write his actual statements so you can cram into his mouth words he never said (and sentiments he clearly didn’t mean) is yellow journalism at its worst. Disappointing and pathetic.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Didn’t rewrite his statements. Included them verbatim, in fact.

    • Pappy

      Nice attempted dodge! You definitely did re-interpret them pretty extremely, though. How do you take a parent’s legitimate concern for his children and then transubstantiate it into him calling them psychopaths or serial killers? You went from (verbatim) “I’m trying to teach them respect and love for other people. That’s the big thing: humanity. They need to look inside other peoples’ hearts.” and then long-jumped to “can you… let [Jon] know that his children are not… emotionless sociopaths?” When did he ever say or imply that? No where that I saw, except in your head.
      That’s a pretty immense leap to take for the sake of clicks.
      I would hope you are generally better than this. Disappointing, to say the least. If this is the level of honesty you’re typically permitted to bring to your writing, I have a very low opinion of Crushable’s editing staff.

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  • Holly

    I don’t know. I mean, I agree that people need to remember that their children are people that will someday be on the internet googling themselves. I feel the same way about what people say about their young kids on facebook. However, I feel sorry for this guy. Maybe I shouldn’t but you would have a hard time convincing me that that woman is not a sociopath and I know from personal experience how hard it is to be a normal person when your life has been so affected by a sociopath. You feel like you want to make the world know what that person is doing because you just can’t understand why no one seems to want to do anything about it and why on earth that person just keeps getting away with everything. I’m not saying it’s right. It’s just what I see when he said those things, as wrong as it might be. I might just be projecting though.

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