I had a lot to do the other night while watching the Golden Globes. In between laughing at Tina Fey and Amy Poehler and staring open-mouthed in disbelief at all the mistakes that were made, I also had to work in some time to be indignant at the people who were winning.
Because really guys? REALLY? We better get our act together before the Oscars, because if things go down like this again, I’m gonna turn my television right off, in solidarity with the people who got screwed over. Or…you know what? I probably won’t do that. But I’ll express my objections right here, just so everyone knows that I’m a conscientious objector to some of the people who took away Golden Globes. I’M WATCHING YOU.
1. American Hustle
If American Hustle gets Best Picture, I’m gonna need to get my brain checked, because I think I must be the only person in the world who didn’t like that movie. What was so great about it? I honestly don’t understand what all the fuss was about, especially in a field so crowded by other worthy choices like Fruitvale and Philomena that I suspect might not even make the list.
2. Leonardo DiCaprio
Sorry Leo, you’re definitely losing the Best Actor race to Matthew McConaughey for his work on Dallas Buyers Club. I’m betting that the Academy will be tempted to throw you a bone, since you’ve missed out on the award in years that you’ve been perfectly worthy — but I’ll be really bummed if they cough it up.
3. Jennifer Lawrence
I love you J-Law, but if you think you deserve the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress over Lupita Nyong’o for 12 Years A Slave, then you’ve got another think coming. If it happens, and you really and truly get an Oscar two years in a row, I’m taking the ‘B’ and the ‘F’ out of Best Friends Forever, and we’ll be down to just friends.